You are sitting at home and your mind keeps going over the negatives -- over and over. You keep reviewing what has happened to you -- perhaps a conflict with someone, something at work, your living conditions, your finances, your health. Whatever. You dwell on it. You are stuck.
What is Rumination?
A lot of people sit at home, dwell on the negative and find themselves getting deeper and deeper in their depression. Psychologists call this style of repetitive negative thoughts "rumination." When cows ruminate, they chew on their cud, chomping over and over without swallowing. When humans ruminate, they repeat negative thoughts over and over, dwelling on something either in the past or the present -- but do nothing to change anything. Ruminating is like spinning your wheels in the mud. You don't seem to be getting anywhere, so you just keep spinning your wheels, faster and faster. You keep digging a hole, find yourself stuck, and dig deeper and deeper.
Examples of rumination include repeating in your mind negative experiences in the past, replaying conversations that you had, dwelling on the "injuries" and "injustices" that you have suffered, or asking questions that don't have answers, such as "Why am I so depressed?," "Why me?," "What is the meaning of all of this?" or "Why did he or she say that?" You may ruminate about your physical maladies, your aches and pains, your emotions, your sensations or just about anything. The key thing is that you are stuck.
The Cost of Rumination
Susan Nolen-Hoeksema at Yale University has been studying this problematic style for years. Her research shows that people who ruminate are more likely to get depressed and stay depressed. She finds that women are more likely than men to ruminate -- and that this partly predicts the greater likelihood of depression in women. We also know that to some extent rumination is a way to avoid emotions -- you are stuck in your thinking because you can't face the emotions that you may have. You are over-thinking, trying to make sense, trying to get the answer.
And, when you are ruminating you are temporarily withdrawn from reality. You are not active, you aren't socializing, you are not living in the present moment. You are somewhere else -- in your head, in your thoughts, in a different time. You think you are "doing something," but you are not pursuing goals, nothing is happening, you are stuck.
How Does Rumination Make Sense To You?
Many people who ruminate actually don't realize that they have a choice. "These thoughts just come into my head and I can't get rid of them." It's as if a thought pops up and you have to entertain it for an hour. You don't. You do have a choice. For example, you are ruminating and the phone rings. You stop ruminating and talk on the phone. You temporarily set it aside.
Others ruminate because they believe that they will forget what they wanted to remember that was so negative. This is a combination of what psychologists, like Adrian Wells at the University of Manchester, call "cognitive incompetence" and "cognitive consciousness"-- where you don't trust your memory and you are continually focused on your thinking. You can't trust your memory so you repeat the rumination. But because you think you have to pay attention to every thought that occurs, you are overwhelmed -- and there is more to remember.
You also think that thinking about it will give you clarity, give you the final insight, and that everything will make sense. Adrian Wells's research indicates that ruminators often believe that they have a responsibility to figure it out, that their rumination will lead to solving a problem and that their rumination will motivate them. Sometimes, of course, thinking about what has happened can lead to learning from your mistakes, it can motivate you to try harder, or it can help you find some meaning in your experience. But many times rumination simply leads to getting stuck in the negative, withdrawing from reality, and trapping you in an endless loop of questions without sufficient answers.
Is Your Rumination Helping or Hurting You?
It's helping if you actually get answers -- and get them rather quickly. It's hurting if you continue repeating the questions and get nowhere.
It's helping if you get a to-do list today -- that is, some concrete behavior that you can engage in that will solve the problem. It's hurting if you can't figure out what to do except continue ruminating.
There are roadblocks in setting aside rumination. These include your demand for certainty -- "I need to know for sure." You won't get certainty in an uncertain world. Another roadblock is your unwillingness to accept that unfair things do happen -- and that rumination won't change that. Bad things happen to good people -- including you. If you demand certainty and always expect fairness -- and then dwell on these things -- you are losing your life one moment at a time. No one says, "I really care for you and I hope that you ruminate every day over the next year."
How To Set Aside Rumination
If you have concluded that rumination is a problem for you -- or if your partner thinks you are complaining too much about your negative thoughts -- then consider the following:
Keep in mind that living in your repetitive thoughts will not solve the problems you need to solve and will not give you the pleasure of the present moment. You have been hitting yourself in the head with rumination. Put down the hammer and pick up your life.
Follow Robert Leahy, Ph.D. on Twitter: www.twitter.com/AICTCognitive
Ruminate - Definition and More from the Free Merriam-Webster ...
Ruminant - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Probing the depression-rumination cycle
Rumination and depression - New Harbinger Publications
Rumination - What Is Rumination - About Depression
Here's a link to a talk by Judy Moskowitz, who researches stress and coping, regarding the effects of positive emotion (simple stuff, nothing to do with denial). It's about an hour long, but interesting. Studies indicate that while we all experience plenty of negative emotion, it's the ability to still be open to positive stuff, even while enduring the tough times, that helps us get through them:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PMVh61Hfvc
Another one that may speak quietly to survivors of abuse - the article's not entirely what it appears to be about on the surface, and it's subtle:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/02/fashion/02Modern.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=my%20mugger&st=cse
You'll know by how you feel about it. You'll feel energized and optimistic when your rumination is moving down a path towards a solution. You'll feel drained and negative if you're going around in circles.
Thanks for the article - great advice!
Karen.
http://www.karenluniw.com
See my Top 10 Law of Attraction Tips and Business Attraction Tips on Youtube
http://www.youtube.com/user/lawofattractioncoach
But, for real, I was absolutely flabbergasted to find out how much my mental health and general attitude improved when I quit smoking tobacco. Piss on the past... comedy tonight!
Live karmic-free!
Live selflessly and indulge in the karmic returns...selfishly.
For awhile, chewing over the pain, anger, and hurt yielded some useful awareness about both myself and him, but new benefits are no longer forthcoming. I'm left with no appealing options and feel reduced to unhappily resigning myself to the likely loss of this friendship, even though I think it's unnecessary and pointless. After all, nothing was so far wrong that it couldn't be fixed with the love and trust we once shared. That's my view. He doesn't share it anymore.
And that's where I need to accept the fact that there are some unfortunate things that happen to good people (both of us, actually) that cannot be changed. This is perhaps the most useful part of this article for me. Fortunately, I had already concluded that further overthinking was not productive, that I had to delineate special, limited rumination times during the day and get on with the rest of life otherwise, and that my desired goal of reconnection is unlikely to be achieved.
Even if it's unfair.
I'll move on. Thanks for the article.
I really connected with what you wrote.
I shared a similar experience and the very same rumination as you, without the desired results (of both of us), so today, I'm capable of thinking even though it's so unfair, why should this be unfair to me too (or you?)!
Happy New Year and here's a toast to new connections in a new decade!
Great article.. sure puts things into perspective.
All the best,
A
I recently read up a bit on the nature of friendship breakups online, and came away with the understanding that sometimes the toughest breakups are those of friends, not always those of marriages or relationships. It makes some sense that this would be the case occasionally, because we tend to confide in friends things that we won't necessarily touch with partners or spouses. Thus when they leave without adequate explanation, they can really be hurtful because there's a certain unique intimacy that is lost, and a certain trust broken. I know that this is true for me right now, and perhaps it was for you too?
While knowing this doesn't really solve the problem or the associated ruminations, at least it helps me feel validated that the loss is real and the pain not merely melodramatic or fabricated. It helps me move towards acceptance. That's the best I can do. Best not to think of it too much, too often anymore, since I have passed the point of productivity.
I wish you the best in 2011 as well. Allow me to become your first fan. :-)
J
Clearly ruminating about a negative thing must be done in balance and proportion, to see where we went wrong and than start the corrective process--a positive rumination. However, here too we must be careful because, just like the negative computer loop of incrementation, one can go the other way too. In the one case we end up depressed and perhaps sucidal, on the other we begin to live in the delusional world of fantasy.
Things could be worse. I have everything I need.