Robert Pagliarini

I've always been fascinated by FBI profilers. Those are the folks who get inside the heads of criminals to try to figure out why they do what they do. There is a great deal of power that comes from being able to quickly analyze someone to determine what they are...

How much better would your life be if you were unbreakable? If you knew that no matter what happened that you would survive and persevere -- and that maybe you'd even come out a little better? We cannot escape pain, difficulty, failure, tragedy and heartache. Sooner or later it will...

Nobody cares about you. Furthermore, nobody thinks about you, watches you, keeps track of what you're wearing or notices the words you mispronounce. And yes, this is wonderful news! Why? Nearly all of us, nearly all the time, are deathly afraid we'll say the wrong thing, do the...

Do you ever feel like curling up in a ball and trying to forget the problems around you? With everything going on in the world today -- sky high unemployment, the housing market at its lowest point, prolonged wars in the Middle East, famine and genocide in Africa, the stock...

Last week I asked the miracle question from solution-focused therapy. The miracle question is simply: "If while you were sleeping and a miracle occurred that solved all of your problems, how would you know it when you woke up in the morning? What would be different?" The...

Do you need a miracle in your life?

I'm a big proponent of asking solution-focused questions. Solution-focused questions focus on a better future as opposed to problem-focused solutions that focus on a troubled past. Can't get a callback for a job interview? The problem-focused person will dwell on what's...

What does it mean to act "out of character?" In Hollywood, when an actor breaks character, it means they are acting in a way that isn't consistent with the character they are portraying. Sometimes an actor will get so enmeshed in their role that they argue with the writers and...

Whose permission do you need? Really, it's not a trick question. Who needs to give you the nod of approval before you can start a business, start dating after a bitter divorce, or write the book you've been talking about for the past nine years? Whose approval are you desperately...

Does your morning routine feel more like a "mourning" routine? The first 30 minutes of your day have a powerful grip over the rest of it: they can influence how you feel and what you do. Instead of smashing the alarm clock, kicking the cat and cursing your life every...

Shakespeare was wrong. All the world is not a stage. You just think it is. And it is this thought -- the belief that you need to perform for an always-watching and always-critiquing audience -- that creates massive anxiety. If you'd like to reclaim some of the time and energy...

It turns out Garth Brooks was right: when you have friends in low places, you'll have plenty of company to help you drown your blues away. But did you ever consider that your friends might be contributing to your problems? Who you are is a function of whom you know....

Is Facebook an evil website that will suck the life from you or is it a useful tool that can help you professionally and personally? Yes. And yes, it is. If you've thought about using Facebook to create a richer life but are worried it will be a huge time and energy drag, or if you've been using it and are about to give up, you're going to learn how to get the most out of Facebook without allowing it to take over your life.

When I first started using Facebook several years ago, it was a joy to connect with grade school friends, family, and those who reached out to me after reading my books and column. I'd log on at night and immediately get chat notifications from friends and strangers. These little conversations always started off innocently enough with "It's been a long time," and "How are you?" but usually within 30 seconds they became more serious. After some very quick pleasantries, an acquaintance from high school confessed of marital difficulties and problems at work. On another evening, a "fan" praised my work and asked for some advice. Fair enough. But then things got downright uncomfortable when he called me a DILF. I had to Google it. (Trust me; you really don't want to know).

I quickly realized I was investing far too much time into something that had lost its joy and felt more like an obligation. Facebook became a job; another task to get done. If that's your fear, help is here.

Follow these five tips to ensure that you Facebook efficiently:

1. Determine your Facebook approach. There are a couple of approaches to using Facebook. One is to become Facebook friends with only family and close friends and nobody else. Study partner from junior high school? Denied. Work colleague? Denied. Old college girlfriend? Well, some rules were meant to be broken! This closed network approach will make your Facebook much more manageable, albeit slightly less interesting. The other approach is to open the door and let anyone become your Facebook friend. This can be a good approach if you are doing it for personal and professional reasons. The trick is to determine which approach is right for you before you sign up.


2. Become invisible. If you don't want people searching for you or knowing what you're up to, you can become invisible. Go to Account, Privacy Settings, and then select the "Friends Only" option. Then under the Privacy Settings, select Connecting on Facebook. Here you can control who can search for you, send you messages, and view personal information.


3. Disable chat. By default, when you login to your account it alerts all of your Facebook friends that you're online. Within seconds you'll feel like Justin Bieber at a Quinceañera. To disable this, click on the "Chat" box on the bottom right of the page, then options, and then "Go Offline."


4. Block (almost) everything! In life and on Facebook, efficiency is about managing the deluge of information. The biggest complaint from Facebook users is getting bombarded with stupid game requests, pokes, invites, quizzes, and the like. You could spend hours a night just responding to these alerts. Get proactive! Facebook allows you to block users, application invites, and event invites. The most common thing you'll want to block are application invites -- requests you get from friends to join them on Farmville or personal trivia type games. Simply rollover the invite and click on the "X" in the upper right corner. From there you can remove the post and even block future invites. You can also go to Account, Privacy Settings, Block Lists, and then block your friends from inviting you (you're not blocking your friends, just their ability to spam you with invites).


5. Create lists. This is a feature I had no idea existed until I spoke to the Queen of Facebook, Mari Smith. If you take the open approach to Facebook, you'll find that all of your friends will create a lot of noise -- updates and info that fill up your News Feed (this is the page where you can see all of the activity from your Facebook friends). Creating lists is like having a mute button. It lets you filter out those friends you don't want updates from and highlight those you do. To create a list, go to Account, Edit Friends, and then Create a List. Name your list (e.g. Family) and then select the people you want in it. Then go to your News Feed, click on the triangle next to Top News: Most Recent, and select your new list. You'll now see updates from just those people on that list.

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More on MoneyWatch:

• Stop Waiting for Permission: Do What You've Been Resisting


• The Quickest Way to Radically Change Your Life: Use Radical Change


• Reach Your Goals More Quickly: Use Incremental Change
  


• Never Let Excuses Drag You Down Again
  


• Why You're Not Reaching Your Goals (And What to Do About It)

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