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Robert Rosenthal

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Sexual Addiction: The New Swine Flu Or Vast Female Conspiracy?

Posted: 12/18/09 04:58 PM ET

Tiger Woods. Ex-NY Governor Elliott Spitzer. ESPN sportscaster Steve Phillips. Actor David Duchovny. These are but a few of the male species who have raised the awareness of what is currently being termed Sexual Addiction, rendering it a virtual 'mandemic'. The question is: where do you draw the line between this so-called dependency and plain, old super horny?



What these guys did was unquestionably wrong, because they're married. However, if Tiger were single and had sex with a dozen women in a year -- especially "hot" women - would that make him a sex addict? To most men, that makes him a hero. If the bachelor Derek Jeter slept with 10 beauties over the course of a year, some guys might even say, "Step it up, dude. Coulda' been 20." 



Steve Phillips had affairs. He had sex in parking lots after games. If that is the grounds for his term in rehab, I'm getting into the rehab business. Elliot Spitzer had a thing with a hooker. Is he a sex addict? Or just another self-righteous, philandering politician with a penchant for professional sex and the budget to swing it?



We Americans have a tendency to blow things out of proportion. We jump to conclusions. We rush to judgment. We're guilty of premature evaluation. Then we prescribe a quick, pain-free solution. That helps to explain our real addiction in this country, which is to drugs. You just have to watch nightly TV to witness the unending parade of pharmaceutical commercials serving the seemingly infinite introduction of newly discovered diseases.



Is sexual addiction just another one of these newfangled diseases manufactured by drug companies to propel their priapic profits? Or should we really be on the lookout for our male friends who suffer from restless sperm syndrome? And how about the guys who watch Internet porn? Is their predilection for pornography a precursor to an impending addiction or a cry for help from the ever-present allure of masturbatory material?



Ladies and brothers, let us be frank: men are pig dogs. We like sex. We think about sex. We crave sex. A man knows within a millisecond of seeing a woman whether he finds her sexually attractive. It's not something we can help. We don't do it on purpose. We're hardwired this way by Mother Nature. Fortunately, evolved men may also feel sexual attraction based on intelligence, humor, empathy, and many other qualities. It's just that our first natural instinct--not conscious thought, but instinct--is purely physical.



If men could have sex with all the women they found attractive - without consequence - they would. Females have figured this out; ergo the outrage. This sexual addiction movement is a conspiracy orchestrated by women who recognize that if men are put away for their sexual appetite, there won't be any of us left. 



There is only one solution, I'm afraid. We need a new drug for sexual addiction, like a Viagra antidote on demand. They could call it Soft On.



Song of the Day: I Want A New Drug by Huey Lewis and the News
One that won't make me nervous
Wondering what to do
One that makes me feel like I feel when I'm with you
When I'm alone with you

 

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Tiger Woods. Ex-NY Governor Elliott Spitzer. ESPN sportscaster Steve Phillips. Actor David Duchovny. These are but a few of the male species who have raised the awareness of what is currently being te...
Tiger Woods. Ex-NY Governor Elliott Spitzer. ESPN sportscaster Steve Phillips. Actor David Duchovny. These are but a few of the male species who have raised the awareness of what is currently being te...
 
 
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06:16 PM on 02/05/2010
I'm not sure how this could be a plot by Big Pharma: there aren't medications sex addiction. None.

You seem to be missing the point: addiction is continuing behaviors that damage one's relationships, one's job, one's life, despite the desire and attempts to stop. Sex addiction is not "guys wanting a lot of sex." Sex addiction isn't about a high sex drive. Men looking at porn is not the problem: men who cannot stop looking at porn at the expense of job and family is a problem. Sex addiction is about the chemical highs produced by our own neurochemicals.

You don't seem to actually know anything about sex addiction. Ask the men and women who have lost careers, reputations, families, and their freedom if it's just about liking sex a lot. I've heard sex addicts say they WISH they could be addicted to drugs or alcohol instead: the humiliation of having uncontrollable sexual impulses and the tremendous pain it can cause to one's significant other are no laughing matter, and people like you who marginalize the experience doesn't help.

Whether or not Tiger Woods is a sex addict is one thing, but please - this is a difficult enough problem for addicts and their families to deal with without it being dismissed and marginalized. You might as well say alcoholics just like alcohol a lot, or compulsive gamblers just think gaming is fun.
03:29 PM on 01/02/2010
I really hope you are joking. No one with more than a few brain cells could possibly espouse this philosophy. You can read my take on this article on my site www.marriedtoasexaddict.com
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Rob Rosenthal
08:54 PM on 01/04/2010
I am joking... at least about the female conspiracy part.
10:21 AM on 12/22/2009
This Tiger Woods situation boils down to one simple point : Most men given the same power, fame and money would do the same. Even more simply put : He never has to masturbate.
It's almost funny when I see "fluffers" introduced as "girlfriends" and "mistresses". Or these consensual sexual transactions described as "relationships" and "affairs".
"He said that he was gonna leave his wife for me" (tears).
Okay.
"I felt like I was in a serious relationship...the way he made me feel and all".
Again, okay.

They're not that smart but again, they don't have to be.
04:32 PM on 12/21/2009
But Rob ...there was nothing to prevent Tiger Woods from living just the kind of sexual life you describe as normal (or ideal) for males. It just would have been more difficult for him to have a wife with self-respect and all those lucrative endorsements.

"Sexual addiction" isn't even a medically recognized term. But I think it's when your sex habits put a man's health, marriage and business contracts at risk that people may think he has a bit of a problem.
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Rob Rosenthal
05:26 PM on 12/22/2009
Agreed, he has a problem.
02:24 PM on 12/20/2009
Our individual sex drive may vary, but the fact is we all have difficulties dealing and controlling our behavior caused by sexual urges, it is in our DNA. Remember, we are programmed at the cortex for survival. Married or not, every one of us will have a moment of truth. How we act on it depends on our upbringing, our value system, our religious beliefs, etc…

So calling it an addiction may technically correct, but it does a disservice to people with drug addiction, alcoholism, kleptomania, etc. Other diseases that all of us don’t suffer from. Sex is not an addiction; it is human/animal nature.
02:23 PM on 12/20/2009
I’m with you Bob,

At the cortex, our male and female brain programs us to self protect and reproduce…end of story.

Staying alive and reproducing is how human beings have survived all these years and developed into the dominant animal on the planet. When we get up in the morning, we need food. When we are cold, we need heat. When we see a potential sexual partner, well you get the idea.

Of course, we’ve evolved, but sex is always on our mind. Sex drives how we dress, what we drive, how we interact with each other and it has been doing so since we lived in caves. Some statistics show, we can’t help but think about it all the time, as much as a dozen times a hour, men more than women. They say that men are less discriminating then women, because men have unlimited sperms, while women have limited number of eggs.

These urges lead to infidelities. Always have and always will. Why are we surprised when we hear of Tiger Woods having affairs, or Bill Clinton. Powerful people having affairs dates back to way before Cleopatra, Henry VIII, Catherine the great or JFK. Their power and the limelight create the scandals, but they are just human beings, trying to deal with their urges and the behavior it causes.
06:03 PM on 12/19/2009
This article is so lame. One third of "disease" of sex addiction is women. A former friend (best, actually) and I parted ways because she engaged in Tiger Woods behavior--dozens of strange men in a year---while being "happily married" to a husband she claimed to adore and mothered two darling children. When I (finally) learned about what she did in her "double life" I convinced her to get into treatment and to come clean and admit all to her husband. He became suicidal. She acted like she wanted to recover and attending therapy for a few sessions and concluded the storm had blown over. Wrong. She was back at it again in weeks, and now she just says this is who she is; and she continues to pretend to be sober to her husband. I call this a CHARACTER DISORDER. This is not a true addiction, in my opinion. Maybe I am wrong, but people who are pathological liars also have a character disorder, which is guess is a disease, tool. Man, I am so confused now. Just be honest. If you're George Clooney, fine. Stay single and his dates are all very forwarned. If you are Joe Blow (pun intended) just be honest with women and say you are NOT interested in monogamy. Problem solved, I guess. Except for the innocent lives that are shattered by this "addiction."
02:07 PM on 12/19/2009
Darling - two things in response: a) Can I echo the commenter above and ask you in turn not to perpetuate the completely unfounded myth that women do not possess a sex drive and desire for sex just as strong as men's. If women could have sex with all the men they found attractive, without consequence, you bet they bloody well would too.

And b) Yup, big pharma has a lot to do with it. But the scales are weighted even more unfairly against women, as per this article from the New York Times today:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/19/theater/19sex.html?_r=1&ref=arts

This is a much worse, far wider-ranging and further reaching conspiracy orchestrated by men.

Let's join forces and do a Search And Destroy on both! :)
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Rob Rosenthal
11:08 AM on 12/20/2009
Cindy,
I made no mention, inference or implication whatsoever as to women's sex drive or desire. Like you, I celebrate it.
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07:07 PM on 12/18/2009
Wrong. There are men on this planet that aren't completely and totally ruled by their dicks.
06:29 PM on 12/18/2009
BRAVO! Thank you for having the courage to write so openly about this new form of so called "addiction." It's not only the BIG Pharma's way of type-casting Alpha Males and Females, but a way for psychiatrists, therapists, and rehab facilities to stay in business and justify their existences. If "we" label it an "issue" it becomes one. What does one then say about Hugh Heffner? Or how about George Clooney? He has new arm candy every few months. Granted, Tiger Woods had many women in a very short amout of time and is married. But, if he were single, would we even be examining his behavior? Look among the animal kingdom....survival rests upon the male who can impregnate the most females. And, the Alpha Male rises to the top. Maybe all Tiger is guilty of is getting married much too young. There are TRUE sexual dysfunctions in the world worthy treatment. Since when did having too many partners become an "addiction?" When did this all come to pass? Who defined this behavior as an addiction and what are the guidelines? Two partners? Ten partners? I shudder to think about all the celebrities and pro athletes of the past who would be cast as "sex addicts" by today's standards. This is just a shame. Tiger's issues are his and his family's issues. To label him "sick" and in need of treatment crosses a line. Where are the people making these rules and what's in their closets?
06:21 PM on 12/18/2009
Whoa!! This isn't a one-sided street here, women crave and desire sex just as much as men do and does women a disservice ignore their sex drive.
06:08 PM on 12/18/2009
Hear, hear. I've been saying the same thing over at my blog at Psychology Today. The crime isn't Tiger's sexuality, it's his deceit. Sex at Dawn is the blog title, if anyone's interested.