When shopping recently, I blithely told the sales person that I was "pushing 60," smugly thinking to myself that I am still just 59. She remarked, "Gee, you look wonderful for your age!" (I always hate the "for your age" codicil that is now tacked on to comments about my appearance.) Then a thought hit me, "Wait a minute, I am living my 60th year right now." Damn!
With this soul punch of how fleeting the days of my life really are has come a profound and powerful inner cry of "I refuse!" This may sound like an "in your face" angry sort of cry, but it is not. This is a cry of awareness, honesty, responsibility and joy. I refuse to not throw everything I have into living. I refuse to not do this thing well. With this said, here is my manifesto:
I refuse to live anyone else's life but mine. I tried this and it did not work. I must claim who I am and live my days as me. Just me.
I refuse to do as you demand of me. No one, no one, has the right to demand that I do anything. Please ask me. Let me choose. And I shall bring all that I have to help you, assist you and comfort you.
I refuse to surrender my search for joy in life to do what is expected. At last I realize there really are no rules and I must make my own choices and decisions. With this comes great freedom, but also great responsibility.
I refuse to weaken the light of my spirit because it confuses you. My journey towards the end of my days must be mine. If my actions and thoughts are outside your comfort zone, feel free to walk away.
I refuse to buckle my mind and button my lips when questions need to be asked. I at last know that silence wields a powerful and killing sword when we play "let's pretend" and do not question what is going on.
I refuse to silence my voice when my truth must be spoken. I will no longer swallow my thoughts and words because you might not like them. I shall tell you how I feel and what is important to me.
I refuse to not put out my hand in welcome and compassion to others. The person next to me is just the same as me. Their hurts and desires, wants and needs are the echo of mine. I am made larger in sharing myself with others.
I refuse to quiet the singing of my heart and soul to the universe! There are now an elemental joy and terrible delight in living that course through me. I refuse to muffle it. I refuse to deny it. For this joy and this delight is quite simply who I am.
Well, there you have it, that's my "I refuse!" list. What are the things you refuse to do any longer? If you are willing to share, I'd love to see your list. I really, really would.
To learn about her new book, "Soul on the Run," go to: www.SoulOnTheRun.com
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