We've all seen the statistics: Facebook now has half a BILLION registered users worldwide, and is growing at an astonishing rate of 5% per month. But this week I had a very personal reminder both of its ubiquity and of what a loser I am for not being part of the Facebook world.
I received an e-mail from a former colleague and friend who now works in corporate communications for a publishing house in New York. We've been out of touch for years, and she wanted to pitch me a story. So naturally, she first went looking for me on Facebook. This was particularly logical because my name -- Rome Hartman -- isn't exactly common. It was logical for her to assume she'd find me in a flash. Instead, her e-mail informed me, she turned up something curious: TWO Facebook users named Rome Hartman, NEITHER of whom appeared to be me. One of the Romes, she said, appeared to be much older than I could be... the other much younger. She guessed, correctly, that they were my father (Rome J. Hartman Jr., age 86), and my son (Rome J. Hartman IV, age 23).
No surprise about the son; he was probably among the first million or so to join Facebook, way back in high school. But I was astonished to learn that my Dad had joined. I found out when I got a call from my other son, who visited my parents in Florida during Spring Break from college. "Dad! I just went into Grandpa's office, and I found him sitting at his computer with that magnifying glass he uses, looking at pictures on Facebook!" Dad hadn't told me, but he'd joined because one of my sisters started a Hartman Family group early this year and invited everyone in the extended family to join. He's enjoying looking at old photos posted by various branches of the family tree, and re-connecting with people he hasn't seen in years. Very cool.
So why are both my elderly father and my 20-something sons on Facebook and I'm not? Why did I delete the invitation from my sister to join the family group, just as I delete three or four similar e-mails a week from various people who want to friend me? Honestly, I'm not sure. Part of it is pure stubbornness; I kinda like not doing things that everyone else is doing. Part of it is defensive; I just can't imagine wanting to hear from that kid I haven't seen since 5th grade, and I feel very adequately wired and connected and iPhoned already. And part of it is based on a potentially out-of-date prohibition imposed by our kids. Years ago they declared that it would be extremely creepy if either their Mom or Dad popped up with a friend request; I think they just didn't want us viewing all those photos of them doing kegstands.
So here I am, hopelessly out of touch with the most important social networking phenomenon on the planet. Sorry, Dad. Sorry, Son. But you both have my number if you feel dis-connected; call any time.
BBC World News America airs weeknights at 7:00 p.m. ET/PT on BBC AMERICA and BBC World News.
I have a life and real friends I meet for dinner or cocktails or dancing!
This apple didn't fall far from that tree.
I also successfully use Facebook to connect with past, current and future customers - I can communicate with all 500 of them with one post.
I resisted MySpace - found it irritating and rather juvenile but Facebook I found acceptable - and no privacy issues - I learned right away to employ "groups" and control who can post to my news feed or see what is on my personal pages - while still staying in touch. My 89 year old Dad uses Facebook, as does my 22 year old niece - I connect with both, share photos and we all benefit by being loosely connected online.
Facebook is a 21st century TOOL - you can use it, modify it - make of it what you want. Show me a better tool and I will pick it up and try it too - maybe reject it, maybe embrace it - but smart people don't reject something that might
The tricky bit was refusing to friend my nephew, who is a drug addicted screwball because I am afraid he will leave inappropriate comments for others to see on my postings and photographs. It has its ups and downs but on the whole, it is a good thing. I am sure glad I found my friend and I love posting our sailing videos.
Social networking users are fickle. Facebook will eventually chase its users away to the next big thing and then that next one will give rise to another and so on.
Facebook would be fantastic for inter-family communication if they had not gone out of their way to do away with the privacy elements. Would have been much better if you could just select a list of people who have access to your page.
But I find myself in the same sort of situation. My mother loves it. She joined for a family group. She throws everything on it and just loves it when someone contacts her. My husband is on Facebook. I don't know how much he uses it, I don't ask. Because I'm afraid he'll want me to. I'd rather read or play on message boards!
I don't know. I think there may come a time when you will not have identify if you don't social network it. You won't be considered real. All the people in cyberspace will be real and people like me who still can't quite figure out our Blackberry and am constantly messing up the answering machine (did anybody call? I didn't get it.) and only got a microwave 2 years ago - we'll be nonpersons. Real people will exist in cyberspace. Everything else is an illusion. ;-)
That said, you only have to be in it and respond as much as you want to - one can walk away and be out of it for days at a time if they WANT to - it's called MODERATION - something we know NOTHING ABOUT AT ALL when it comes to drinking, food/eating, etc.
The problem is not FB. The problem is the USERS.
It is what it is. No one made them join it. They chose to do so, and then raise hell about it.
When did US joining something that is FREE and it not being what we hoped for grounds to be ENRAGED about it?
But I really learned to love FB when my daughter-in-law was traveling in Chile during the earthquake. (No, I do not hold out for personal notification of such things. Neither did the other hundreds of relatives and friends who worried about her, much to my frantic son's relief. Nor did we hold out for personal updates on her progress towards getting a flight out. We all could - and did - read, make suggestions, and offer support on FB.)
The only downside so far has been reconnecting with old classmates. I used to wonder where those tea party loons came from. Now I know that I went to high school with a good many of them. But, no worries, I hid them from my newsfeed.
As for myself, I enjoy FB as part of a well-balanced lifestyle. It doesn't control my time, I'm mature enough to control my use of it. It's what you make of it. Moderation in everything. If you don't like it, don't use it, but please stop this "holier than thou" FB bashing. It's so cliche.