Have you ever seen what a Brazilian looks like? Do you know anyone who has one? If you know anyone under the age of 30, then I imagine you do. Because if my friend is right, "no one" under the age of 30 has hair down there anymore.
A "Brazilian" is the complete removal, by waxing, of all hair down below. As my Bubbie might say (if she were inclined to discuss such things) it is hair removal from "pupick" to "tuchas." And from what I'm hearing, Brazilians are becoming very popular with women over 50. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. They don't seem to publish a lot of statistics about this, but for some reason, there seems to be a lot of talk about it lately.
I am weirded-out, grossed-out, and totally intrigued all at the same time. Talk about spring cleaning! Talk about cleaning out your personal house for Passover!
Whether or not to go full frontal came up the other night over dinner at Girls Night Out.
"You really should write about Brazilians," my friend suggested, "women our age want to know what it's like."
For about a nanosecond I thought she wanted me to write about the people, the culture or perhaps even the deforestation of the Amazon. "Brazilians?" I exclaimed, "I love Brazilians! My sister-in-law is from Itambacuri!"
"Brazilian waxes," she informed me. She looked me straight in the eyes and said shyly, "My husband loves it and it makes me feel very sexy. I love it too."
Another friend told me she does Brazilian waxes regularly -- not for her partner, but for herself -- because it made her feel wonderful and clean. As I cringed, she described how a very talented Israeli woman ripped the hair off her most personal areas with melted wax -- in a matter of minutes -- for only $65.00. "She gets everywhere, she even has you finish off the process with your heels over your head."
Now that was an image I tried to banish from my head. But, I guess if you're gonna do it, you might as well go all the way.
"Doesn't it hurt like hell?" I asked. I was assured that, yes, indeed it is uncomfortable. Discomfort, in my experience, is a euphemism for extreme pain, like when a doctor tells you that you may be "uncomfortable" for a few minutes, and then proceeds to stick a needle slowly up your spine and twist it around a bit. But according to my friend, if you have ever run a marathon or suffered from severe mental anguish -- the Brazilian is a piece of cake. And that was supposed to be comforting.
I know women want to feel younger, but... Lolita young? And at what cost? I started wondering what was under all those towels at the gym. Had she? Hadn't she? Would I? I have never been so happy to see a few women unabashedly displaying their pubic hair (even if they were in their 70s)!
I am about as daring as they come, but daring enough to go Brazilian?
This was my very first thought: I have a husband that never notices when I get my hair cut. What if I went to all that pain and trouble... and he didn't notice? I'd have to kill him.
What if it grew back totally gray? What if it was itchy and I ended up scratching my crotch like a professional baseball player? What if it aged like an old tattoo? Do I really need yet ANOTHER expensive maintenance treatment? Would I have to start wearing thongs?
But maybe it would feel sexy and wonderful and clean. Maybe my husband would love it. And maybe, just maybe, it would help keep me cool during hot flashes!
And then I thought about going to my gynecologist appointment next week. I've been going to the same doctor for a decade. Even if she didn't say anything, I know she'd be smirking to herself and thinking, "What the hell?" And because she is under 40, I'd start wondering about her... and I don't want to go there. So I would have to change gynecologists, wouldn't I? Or am I just flattering myself that she would remember my vagina from the hundreds she sees each year? In any case, I don't think I'd be willing to take the risk, and it's bad enough having to change hair stylists.
So the question remains: Could I -- Would I -- Should I? Do you? What do you think? If you are a 50-something out there who is dating, do you feel a little pressure to go bare? Is this a fad that should be confined to the under-30 crowd, or is it a bold (and bald) beautiful move for women 50 and over?