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This Year I Resolve To Do The Impossible

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My sister-in-law and I bought the same beige, cotton, cover-those-ass-and-hips sweater a few weeks ago when we had a lunch/shopping date. It's a great sweater, and I wore it to dinner over a pair of gray leggings (smashing) when we all went out last week to celebrate my mother-in-law's birthday. I took off my coat as we sat down at the table. "I love your sweater...", my sister-in-law announced with a big smile on her face, "but I'm so glad I didn't wear it tonight too!"

My mother-in-law got in on the action: "I like your sweater, too." Then she leaned in a little closer and asked, "Is it cashmere?"

"No..." I replied, loud enough for the table in back of us to hear, "It's not cashmere..." In hindsight, I should have stuck with "'s cotton."

But alas, no, I went on... "I hate cashmere. Don't you hate cashmere? It's hot. It pills after a few wearings. It's so not worth the money. I never buy cashmere."

Silence descended as my sister-in-law glared at me from across the table, with her most intense WTF look.

That's when I realized we were about to give my mother-in-law her birthday present: a cashmere sweater.

And that is when I made my first New Year's resolution: I resolve to shut the heck up.

Ah, so many flaws, so many chances to make resolutions.

But the funny thing about New Year's resolutions is that, at least with me, most resolve around the stupid things I do and issues that arise in the days when the sun sets before 5PM: I resolve not to buy that Costco size tub of peppermint chocolates that no one likes but me; I resolve to have more patience with those ridiculously slow drivers who you would think have never seen snow before (damn it, get off the road or get some snow tires, you live in New England!); I resolve not to conclude that my daughter has been raped and murdered if she does not answer my text within 15 minutes; I resolve to remember to open the flue before making a fire; I resolve not to wait until Sunday night to write my blog (see what happens?)

When I make resolutions in these days when the sun sets early, I never deal with my oh so many summer flaws and the resolutions I should make to correct them: I resolve not to make martinis and ice cream for dinner; I resolve to remember to shave my legs; I resolve not to waste the whole day sitting in the sun reading; I resolve never to go bathing suit shopping again...

Sure, maybe most of my New Year's resolutions are a tad specific, but (hopefully) I do a better job with the Big Picture self awareness thing at Rosh Hashanah. At this stressful time of year, it is easier to resolve not to buy those specific chocolate candies at Costco than it is to resolve not to buy junk food at all. Those general resolutions are a killer.

And when something really needs to be changed, who really waits until January 1 to take the plunge? Change comes when it is time for change, not on a calendar date. And we need to give ourselves a pat on the back this time of year for those changes we actually made during the year, however temporary. I'll take this opportunity to say yay me, I have not taken any kind of sleeping supplement for three weeks! (And yeah, I'm writing this at 4AM.)

So, while I will always make a few resolutions this time of year, these are the resolutions I am pretty sure I will break. Last year, I resolved to take charge of the TV -- but I still wait for others before I do anything more basic than switching channels. So yeah, I'm pretty sure I will put my foot in my mouth in 2014. For 2015, I'll just have to come up with something new to resolve about. It's not like there is a lack of material.

Besides, what would I have to write about if I actually did keep my mouth shut?

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