A Sigh of Relief About the 'End of Over-Parenting'

I am so glad Lisa Belkin wrote the article "The End of Over-Parenting" in last week's New York Times. As someone who works with parents and is a mother of two sons, 6 and 8, Belkin's take is refreshing, overdue, and one I hope fellow parents take to heart. In fact, I'm going to take it as an opportunity to self-reflect.

I am more than fairly confident that no one in my family or group of friends would ever describe me as a helicopter parent. But it does insidiously influence me as I often bounce between guilt that I'm not on top of my parenting responsibilities, defiance that there's no way I could keep up anyway, and judgment that those parents who do are incredibly annoying. Nevertheless, I do have moments of awe when I meet parents who never forget things like teacher conferences, sign their kids up on time for extra-curricular activities, and somehow convince their children to wear things like button down shirts...or underwear.

Now, since I advise people on how to raise their own children for a living, I easily feel under a microscope when my children don't listen or embarrass me. So, in the spirit of encouraging more moms and dads to ease up on themselves and other parents, I want to share with you some of my more obvious non-helicopter moments.

I let my kids swim in a creek near my house that is known for having waste-water run off.
Yes, I've told them what's in that water, but my sons shrug and wade in anyway. And more often than not, I just don't feel like stopping them.

I never refer to my children as "over-tired" or "having a sugar rush."
Instead, when my children are being brats, I prefer the more flexible term of "jackass."

I ignore the principal.
Last year I had just sat down in an airplane seat when my cell phone rang. It was my son's principal. I looked at the screen debating what the possible reason for this call was and I knew the answer-- and it wasn't about what an angel my son was being. I turned off the phone.

I forget about school events.
As I write this, I just looked over to see a green flyer on my dining room table announcing yet another school function I forgot to attend.

I limit my driving.
My children are allowed one after school activity per semester and the commute to this activity may not take more than twenty minutes. I don't care how good they are at this thing or how much they want to do it--twenty minutes is the max.

I hate hosting and attending children's birthday parties.
I have even more intense loathing for themed parties.

I let them eat chocolate for breakfast.

But in case you're wondering, there are some things on which I won't compromise:

They never sit at the dinner table playing a video game.

They write thank you letters.

They know how to do laundry and fold their clothes.

I never buy them neon colored breakfast cereal.

When they throw a rock at a neighbor's window and break it, even if "it wasn't their idea," they have to apologize in person and pay for the damage with their savings.

So, as I grab my vodka-tonic at the end of the day, let me raise my glass to all the parents out there. It's okay to admit our failures and our moments of not caring. Yes, we love our kids and want the best for them. But we also admit that while we do the best we can, we have moments in which we give up and don't do our absolute best. Let's toast to choosing our battles, laughing when we make mistakes, and giving each other a break. May we all aspire to greatness.

Comments

[FaaLaveLave]

Thank heaven for the common sense spoken here!
I am so sick of the excuses that a myriad of "parents" that I come into contact with make (incessantly) in regard to their jack ass children. "Too tired", "too much sugar" are just the beginnning.
My own grandchildren are little heathens. They are totally self-centered, disruptive and obnoxious.....all the while their parents are smiling, patting their little heads and making sympathetic sounds to them and about their total lack of simple manners (i.e. boorish behavior).
Frankly the idea of leaving everything that my husband and I have slaved to accomplish in our lives is completely appalling. None of it would be left in a matter of weeks or months. Most would be trashed or thrown to the winds without a thought. So, am, at the age of retirement, looking all about for ways to see that someone (hopefully) appreciative receives the fruit of our lives.