We must admit we were worried when Barack Obama won the Nobel Prize for peace so early in his term. You know how it is, when things come too soon, often the experience isn't very satisfying. Yet we still have very high hopes for the big O. It got us to thinking about Al Gore and Jimmy Carter, who also received the award, and about how much we bitches have in common with them: concern for the environment, conflict mediation, hope for disarmament. After all, a bitch on a budget is nothing if not worried about conserving her precious and dwindling resources while seeking to maintain a gorgeous environment. Conflict resolution? Go no further than a damsel with lust in her heart for all those now unaffordable things she once thought a necessity (a trip to Paris, dinner at Per Se, a Prada purse). Oh, the inter-psychic conflict we must manage! And we're totally committed to disarming ourselves of the meaningless, overpriced totems of the go-go days.
Since everything is about us (isn't it?), we thought about proposing a Nobel Prize for Thrift. Shouldn't we be recognized for all the care and mindfulness with which we spend our precious resources? Yet as soon as we formed this idea, we got nervous... isn't thriftiness supposed to be next to godliness? Do we really want to always be 'good'? Maybe that's too much pressure, after all. We can't pretend to be perfect and in control all the time (look at what happened to Tiger).
Besides, we'd live a very boring and passionless life if we didn't listen to that little lust engine that drives us. (Planting peanuts versus running the aptly named Worldwide Pants.) After all, desire is the fuel that propels us forward. It's green (the color of envy) and it's renewable.
Then we realized: being on a budget isn't about chaste saving. It's all about impulse control and editing. Skipping the last minute mediocre dinners out in order to save for a fabulous feast. Searching the stores to identify the must-haves. Exhibiting patience (you're a grown-up), and then scouring the sales racks to find astonishing deals at the end of the season. Cruising the Internet for bargain vacations, and being flexible enough to travel to a destination out of season for best value.
So learn to be your own conflict resolution negotiator. By saving and conserving you'll have the flexibility to go wild once in a while. To feed the lust in your heart. To reap the rewards of shrewd savings and mindfulness.
Let's make the world a better place, one bitch at a time.
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