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Rosalyn Hoffman

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This New Year: Conceal Your Ass(ets)

Posted: 12/31/2009 10:01 am

Everyone is promoting his or her top ten list of New Year's resolutions. But life is complicated enough without having to remember the ten best, cutest, kindest, chicest, most repentant things you must do in order to achieve Karmic happiness in 2010.

Us gals at Bitches on a Budget like to keep things simple. We believe in shedding excess and getting to the essence in all things. So in the spirit of helpfulness, we're laying down the law for what should be your one and only New Year's Resolution:

STOP WEARING TIGHTS AS PANTS. THEY DO NOT--WE REPEAT, DO NOT--LOOK GOOD. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT SIZE YOU ARE. NO MORE. NOT EVEN WITH A WHAT YOU THINK IS A LONG ENOUGH TOP. NOT EVEN WITH CUTE BOOTS. NOT EVEN IF YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY TO BALLET OR YOGA CLASS OR HAVE A LADY GAGA FIXATION. AND, HEAVEN FORBID, NO TIGHTS AS PANTS IF THEY'RE DESIGNED BY LL.

Trust us, ladies, wearing tights as pants is a complete fashion disaster. Not sleek. Not chic. Not sexy.

We are not alone others share our outrage. Read the smart manifesto by the tights-are-not-pants people.

Years ago we had a friend who wore tights as bottoms, but back then we never had the courage to tell her she looked silly. (Truth be told we were just bitchy and giggled.) We are truly sorry about that and are turning over a new leaf. We're making a vow to be honest--to look out for other bitches. We want to see you happy. We want to see you confident. We want to see you wearing gorgeous clothes (all bought at bargain prices; we are Bitches on a Budget, after all).

Most of all, though, we just want to stop seeing your ass(ets).

Read more at www.bitchesonabudget.com

 
 
 

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05:12 PM on 01/05/2010
Wow, talk about catty. Women need to give each other a break when it comes to clothing. Why do we care so much about what other women wear?
I can't believe I even read this, and I'm annoyed with Huff Post for publishing it.
Let people wear whatever they want and get over it.
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Mihal Freinquel
Professional New Yorker
12:30 PM on 01/05/2010
HAHA - you're hilarious and I agree 100%
02:30 PM on 12/31/2009
My cheeks are burning. I admit that I've fallen victim to this trend lately... When I see others in tights are pants (even very thin people) I agree it's not the best look. Add that to my pile of resolutions. Thanx for keeping it real.
02:26 PM on 12/31/2009
Ha! This is hilarious and true!!! I live near a university, and it's amazing how many women are wandering around pant-less. By the way, I'm in the middle of your book right now and totally loving it... way fun. Thanks!