My Presidential Decrees

Triple teachers' and policemen's' pay and raise the bar accordingly.

Establish a union of the working poor with the Attorney General as their lawyer.

Replace Organized Religion with strict observance and enforcement of the Golden Rule during my first administration.

Foreign policy statement: "Hey, how's it going? We're your global neighbors. Here's our number if you need something."

Back our currency with yummy baked goods

Abolish the IRS

Birth control in the water supply for the the first two years of my administration.

All sewer and septic tank maintenance performed by convicted corporate criminals.

All medical testing performed on child molesters and animal abusers.

Minimum weight for supermodels: 140 lbs

to see more, visit www.roseanneworld.com/blog

Comments

[belladawna]

quote" All medical testing performed on child molesters and animal abusers.

Minimum weight for supermodels: 140 lbs"

laughing from the lst two lines... that's perfect!!!

[belladawna]

oh my god!!!! almost started crying from those last two lines!!!!!!!!!

[BeyondGoodAndEvil]

I'm sure I won't be the first person to tell you this, but please don't ever run for office.

[SweetJudith]

Roseanne,
My husband and I stand with Sen. Clinton.
Speaking for the Children and Animals,
Whenever you are ready for your run as President, let me know.
We will do everything possible in San Diego,
to make sure you get the VOTE.
A Fan
Hope to see you on Real Time again.

[avicenna]

Well, you can take the 'birth control in the water' part out of your "things to do list" - we actually found that pharmaceutical hormones from women taking oral contraceptives (and excreting them in their urine) is already in concentrations high enough in the water to disrupt the endocrine system of marine life - which in turn is being consumed by both humans and their prey. Notice the rise in endocrine disorders including mood disorders and cancer? Coincidence? or just a wonderful new health care policy?

[trinity29]

Roseanne,

you don't have a comments page on your blog so I am responding here. while i appreciate your choice to support hillary, i think your attacks against oprah because she doesn't support a woman candidate is insulting, futile, and hurt the work of women's movement. if you are free to choose who you want to support and how you want to support that person, then so is oprah. she is under no obligation to bring hillary to her show nor is she under any obligation to vote for hillary just because she is a woman.

as a woman, if I ever got a job because i was a woman, i would know that it would decrease my credibility as the best, most competent person for the job. oprah feels that would be obama and you feel that would be hillary.

it is a free country and if you don't want anyone to tell you how to think and who to support, then why are you doing the same to oprah?

[QueenCeleste]

Brava Roseanne! I was especially struck by medical testing on child and animal abusers, as that's been my position for years. I'd love to see you on the ticket!

[kellygrrrl]

Excellent!!! simple, clear and fair ... just the way it should be.

[Ravenlea]

Very enjoyable. I particularly like your foreign policy statement. We will have a lot of ground to make up following the Bush years and a good neighbor policy would be a great start in healing the almost universal (and deserved) mistrust of the US.

[Issak]

Loved this. What's weirdest and funniest about it, is that this makes sense-and frankly; in a sane society such measures would be standard fare.

That we think this is one person's pie in the sky, merely shows how dysfunctional, conditioned and backward we are.

We mindlessly accept the unacceptable and we perpetuate and give power to the nefarious figures pulling the strings. They fear the day enough us will wake up and hold them accountable.....that's why they work so hard keeping the masses fearful pessimistic and manipulated by one scheme of another.

[chirps]

Sounds good.

[booker52]

Too funny!!! Love the part about convicted corp criminals.

[degjack]

Don't just triple the pay without trippling the requirements that teachers PRODUCE tangible results in kids' learning curves. Make the pay dependent on academic success, period. But, yes, make the job enticing enough to encourage people to get teaching degrees and teaching sucess becomes the job everybody aims for. Then your idea is a good one.

[nancytheragingliberal]

Nancy's decree: Hire Roseanne for a political talking show. She is just too funny and I would be her faithful fan! How about some Roseanne for lefty's like me? I never watch TV, with all of this "Conservative Media" drivel. I do, however, watch Bill Maher, Jon Stewart, Keith O. Jack Cafferty, Bill Press, Dan A. J. Alter...Never, I tell you, never, Faux-Fake News. I do listen to: XM Satellite Radio: Sam Sedar, R. Rhodes, R. Maddow, B. Press, Young Turks, Mike Malloy, Bobby Kennedy, Mike P.
So, come on, all of you radio and TV big-wigs, give us liberals/progressives some moderate to left leaning shows. You can makes lots and lots and lots of $$$$$$$$$!

[sparkandy]

I don't know if you're running as a Republican, Democrat, Independent, or Other. So I'll just write in your name Tuesday. Then maybe you could call your party the Independent RepubliCratArians so you could sort of umbrella Repubs, Dem, Independents and Libertarians.

PS I'd like a job at Treasury. I make the best soft gingersnaps in the world.