THE BLOG
02/02/2008 10:18 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

My Presidential Decrees

Triple teachers' and policemen's' pay and raise the bar accordingly.

Establish a union of the working poor with the Attorney General as their lawyer.

Replace Organized Religion with strict observance and enforcement of the Golden Rule during my first administration.

Foreign policy statement: "Hey, how's it going? We're your global neighbors. Here's our number if you need something."

Back our currency with yummy baked goods

Abolish the IRS

Birth control in the water supply for the the first two years of my administration.

All sewer and septic tank maintenance performed by convicted corporate criminals.

All medical testing performed on child molesters and animal abusers.

Minimum weight for supermodels: 140 lbs

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