Can you feel it? The single women are coming. The educated, capable, driven, single women. And most of them are wearing fabulous shoes.
This post is inspired by Kate Bolick's eloquent "All The Single Ladies," The Atlantic's November issue cover story. It resonated with me like no other piece in recent years because it is not just about men, and if now is the end of them or whether they are necessary. It is about the shift in the sociological landscape from a society which has one script for women to one that has many. Ms. Bolick encourages women to give themselves permission to acknowledge that marriage is not society's, or their, highest ideal. It's fine if it happens, and it must happen with the right person, but it need not be a pursuit. She writes "If I stopped seeing my present life as provisional... perhaps I could actually get down to the business of what it means to be a real single woman." Thank you, Ms. Bolick.
And that's where it gets interesting. What are All The Single Ladies going to do? As women embrace this idea and shift energy they have been putting towards finding a mate -- and potentially caring for a family -- to their life's work, what is going to happen?
Corporate America has no ceiling but the board room's for a woman unencumbered.
This is the most exciting time for single women, should we choose to embrace it. Corporate America is just one place where this shift will have an impact. Here are four changes that will unfold:
A pure increase in activity. A lot of women are going to have a lot of energy and time. I know. I am energetic and full of ideas. I am also single and of a certain age. I haven't happened to meet the right man. In 2004, I started my first company. Five years later, with that first company reasonably established, and with extra space in my head and some time on my hands, I built the technology for my second company. I'm running it alongside my first. Unencumbered single women who by circumstances do not have a mate or childbearing responsibilities have to do something with their time and intellect. Many will channel energy to their careers. Unencumbered single women who also choose to have love happen, rather than pursue it single-mindedly, will have even more time and energy.
More platforms that enable others. As more women establish or take charge of organizations, more platforms will emerge that enable others to succeed. Female managers are generally naturally more collaborative than men, finds Alice Eagly, Chairman of the Department of Social Psychology at Northwestern University, in looking at research on female and male managers. Women, in general, are more interested in helping others reach their full potential, than engaging with an adversary. Oprah has charisma, motivates, and empathetically connects with both her guests and her audience. She also built a platform from which she chose to enable others to launch their careers. Dr. Mehmet Oz, Dr. Phil, Nate Berkus and Gayle King all launched their own shows starting with segments on Oprah. Suze Orman and Martha Beck got tremendous career boosts from her. Yes, men do this also (witness Stephen Colbert's launch from Jon Stewart's show). Women naturally do it more.
More flexible work environments. More single women in senior corporate roles will be better for work-life balance. Single women have lives and they are interested in pursuing activities outside of the workplace. Ultimately they know that this makes them better in the workplace. This philosophy combined with today's technology portends more flexible work environments. More single women in senior corporate roles will also be better for work-family balance. Single women today have great kids in their lives, and they adore them. Okay, they may even be obsessed with them. The age of the Professional Aunt No Kids (PANKS) is upon us. They are going to make sure that there are reasonable and supportive environments for families in their workplace.
A new women's network. With the rise of women in the workplace, naturally a new woman's network will take hold. This isn't bad or exclusive of men. Its impact will be two-fold. First, kids, especially girls, are going to see their aunts and think "I want to be like that." These aunts are going to encourage girls to certainly keep an eye out for a husband if and when marriage is something they'd like to experience, but to definitely take care of their career. Because a financially independent woman is just so hot (and it feels so good). Secondly, these women are going to help other women -- and men (see the point about collaboration above). Madeline Albright has said, "There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women," and these women believe it.
The earlier women embrace Ms. Bolick's idea of getting down to the business of being a real single woman, the more powerful they will be. Get married, don't get married, of course the choice is yours. But don't let the pursuit of it take all your energy. Take care of your spiritual, physical, emotional, financial, social, and professional self. Make sure you are not emotionally hollow because of tunnel vision focused solely on marriage. After all, it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in possession of good fortune is having a phenomenal life.
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How old do you want to be when you decide that money and trinkets don't endure then want children because its only continuation of life that last? Do you want to see your grandchildren? Like Ms. Bolick, this article is more justification and rationalization of a selfish and uncompromising life. I sorry to inform you but that's not what men have been about since civilization was developed or civilization wouldn't have been developed. The same said civilization were women "won" so many legal rights.
The essence of relationships, much like a political organizations, centers around compromise and sacrifice for a common good. Selfless giving, duty, honor, and sacrifice are what define success. Not money and power. They only show a skill at working the system and a insatiable vanity.
I worked in a hospital with plenty of women that decided to put career before having a family, Lot of them successful women and they seemed to be perfectly happy with their choices to me.
Where as when my wife was able to stay home and take care of the household she was happy.
Is there any actual evidence that large numbers of women no longer see marriage and kids as a priority? Or is this just a matter of all the voices in the media being single career women who presume to speak for ALL women?
Here's an idea - spend five minutes looking at the evidence about the quality of life without men. Children grow up poor, emotionally troubled, and far more likely to be juvenile criminals. They are 40, (yes 40, not 4) times more likely to suffer sexual abuse when not living with their biological fathers. Yeah, your brave new world where women have no relationship ties might be freeing for some of us, but at what cost? Why should the entire world change so that a minority of women can be applauded for their desire to be single career women?
The future may not be better because it didn't happen, or it may be better. We don't know. We can try and make the best of it.
The quantity of articles on this site that are geared toward this repeated borderline perspective that unmarried women are the future of women and that married women are stuck in the past is unfortunate. My mother broke the glass ceiling in her field multiple times; she was single as well as married during those times.
I feel bad about it too, not meeting someone. It's ok to grieve, that this will likely never happen, but that you can make a difference anyway, without feeling resentment for women who are married, with kids, and who have fabulous shoes too.
I do agree there are many things that are changing in the field of work, and the increasing stream of single female professionals will definitely make waves. However, let us also not forget that on the other side of the coin are those single male professionals since we single female professionals are not marrying them. I think the changes that will come will actually be more collaborative in nature as our roles continue to change. There will obviously be outliers, but I think we're getting to a point where men and women are coming to value some of the ideals traditionally held by the opposite gender, and this is what will make the workplace more cohesive and collaborative, not just the advancement of single female professionals.
Reminds me of the old country doctor who said: "I've met a lot of people on their death beds. None of them ever wished they'd spent more time at the office."
I can't take credit for that old country folk saying, but I'm sixty and sure believe it more and more!
Women have taken tradition roles of men in the work place and see this as liberation, yet, can't seem to liberate men from there traditional roles.
No. Single women have been coming for decades. The sad thing is the shoe focus for educated, capable, driven single women who don't need men in their lives.
At some point in their lives most women desire a child or two usually with a significant other since it is tough raising a child or two on their own. Agree or disagree but religious values are usually a distillation of societal values that work like marriage. Many of the problems facing the USA can be attributed to the breakdown of the family unit.
This includes women who were vehemently opposed to the thought of marriage and child raising in their 20s just part of how people are hardwired especially when they see their friends and peers doing the same. Children are your immortality.
One reason people want to get married is because they are afraid of being alone. But marriage is not the solution. The solution is community. Having extended families. So if you decide not to marry or have children, you still have people who care about you.
Love comes and goes. For lots of people marriage doesn't work. They get tired of being with the same person all the time.
Children are your immortality? Nonsense. Your children are not you. They are their own people and it doesn't really matter if they share your blood. Every child shares the same worth.
The 2012 election may be the most crucial ever in our history. The past couple years have seen the most coordinated attacks from the right on women and their rights that I can recall in my short 50 years on this planet. And it's no longer just a matter of letting your demands and issues be known. The right wing will not hear you. They will look you in the eye and tell you they are hearing you, and once they have your vote, they will ignore you and continue with their crusade of dragging us back into the 19th century. Make no mistake about about it. If you vote for the right wing or don't vote at all, you are voting against yourself. Do not let the right wing dictate your future, you will find yourself without one.
So women with children suppose to expect single women who don't have families to look out for them? I don't think that is what old feminist had in mind when they wanted more women leaders in the work place who could empathize with the demands on mothers. You have reduced work life balance to the social life of a single women being in competition with focus on the company . I think that is a pretty weak association since children are not something you can put off or reschedule like your dinner parties, or runs in the park. A man with children at home in leadership would be more likely to understand work life balance than single women in my opinion.
Truthfully we have to reproduce just to keep the population going into a negative growth spiral where each generation get's saddled with more elderly to care for.
" Female managers are generally naturally more collaborative than men, finds Alice Eagly, Chairman of the Department of Social Psychology at Northwestern University, in looking at research on female and male managers. Women, in general, are more interested in helping others reach their full potential, than engaging with an adversary. "
This is just sexist, I am sorry but it is. There are plenty of adversarial women and plenty of collaborative men.
Get over acting like you know how exactly every single working single woman should be living her life or already is. You don't know. And I don't even care about "fabulous shoes," either. What a waste of time.
The all male group can only bring decay to modern society (like organized religion, all male media, corporate boards etc.) We all need a new modern mixed gender way of running the world that will benefit everyone.
We had become a goalless society - our only goal was to make profit. Now it is time to reflect on our goals, and use our situations and talents to work toward them.
There is so much we as women can do to contribute to society. The old structure is changing and we must change with it. Its actually quite exciting.