A Republican-Backed Oklahoma Tea Party Paramilitary? Sounds About Right

Militias are back, huzzah! In a development that is exactly zero percent surprising and fully reinforces any cynical views alien observers might have regarding humans, the AP reports today that Tea Party activists and Republican state legislators in Oklahoma are discussing creating a state-wide volunteer militia to "protect state sovereignty." Sure, why not? Screaming gibberish at people hasn't worked. Surreptitiously harassing Congresspeople and their siblings isn't as satisfying as one might expect. How can Tea Partiers finally get people to just do what they say?

Guns, of course. Guns will sort out this mess! This is how democracy works. However, the efficacy of the plan has been questioned, with even some proponents unsure of how an armed force would block federal mandates. Isn't it obvious, you silly gooses? If Oklahoma had had a state militia during the health care reform debate, then they...uh...I dunno...I guess they would have deployed to Washington and seized Congress? Or perhaps when the health care legislation goes into effect, and IRS thugs swoop in to deport bootstrap Oklahomans to FEMA gulags, the militia will be there to save the day, with shooting.

Clearly, the creation of a privately recruited, armed and trained militia will be an effective solution to legitimate concerns about power imbalance in our society. It most certainly would NOT be an overreaction provoked by totalitarian fever dreams spread by irresponsible public figures, leading inevitably to even more of the absurd tragedy that defines our impotent, discouraging contemporary existence. Because, you know, George Washington!

Critics have pointed out, well, a lot of things, including the fact that discussing the formation of anti-government militia in Oklahoma so close to the 15th anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing (April 19, 1995) is the very definition of poor timing. Best line from the AP story: "'Have they heard of the Oklahoma City bombing?' said Joseph Thai, a constitutional law professor at the University of Oklahoma." Apparently not, Professor Thai! Best case scenario, they have not heard of the Oklahoma City bombing. That is the best case scenario.

Look, Tea Party People, I fully understand the inclination, nay, the need to fight power. And as I've written previously, conservative and liberal citizens shouldn't dogfight like we do, mindlessly mauling our neighbors at the behest of two virtually indistinguishable political parties who both ultimately serve the same paymasters. AND I can even understand the militia impulse, or part of it at least. I spent part of my childhood in the forested railroad hamlet of Altoona, Wisconsin, and spent my happiest summer days there creeping around the woods with my friends, hiding behind rocks and trees and developing code words and elaborate hand signals and hierarchies as we tirelessly pursued imaginary foes (mainly dragons or aliens, rather than the Illuminati).

It was fun, and it made us feel desperate and adventurous and strong. We were alive and doing something, rather than simply wasting away in a void. Kind of like how a dude throwing a trash can through Seattle plate glass back in 1999 probably felt like a righteously badass sans-culotte. But on balance, all this sexy drama is counterproductive. Power, it seems, is ultimately exercised by masters of tedium.

(h/t to Lee Fang at Think Progress)