The Top 10 Types Of Terrible Names

The publication of Morecock, Fartwell, & Hoare, my book of remarkable but true names, coincides with that of my annual, Top 10 of Everything, so in keeping with that zeitgeist buzzword "convergence," I have been pondering on what might be regarded as the "10 Worst Names," or rather, what might be considered the Top 10 genres of unfortunate names.

Whether it's lack of forethought amid the euphoria of a baby's birth, blunders by parents who simply hadn't thought it through, linguistic changes or whatever, a lot of children (over 3,000 in the book) have acquired names that you or I might wish to change; the fact that these people didn't is a testament to their strength of character.

Names that sound like something else

“I wanna Seymour Butts” is redolent of a Bart Simpson prank phone call, but it’s a real name, along many other candidates in this group, including: Rick O’Shea, Minnie Sowter, Low Fat, Miles High, Lew Swires, Shirley Knott, Ida Hoe, Phil Gapp, Ann Teater, Tamara Knight, Anita Date, Don Key, Win Dow, Ever Green, Dawn Raid, Phila Delphia, Ah Choo, Eva Ready, Mary Land, Cheree Pye, Ben Dover, Colly Flower, Nan Tucket, Lucky Day, Gail Force, Ann Other, Chris P. Bacon, Page Turner, Tom Ayto, Sue Perman, Dinah Saw, Neale Down, Jean Pool, Robin Banks, Elle Vator, Merry Christmas, Eva Faithfull, Ann Archy, Scott Free, Jay Walker, Tim Burr, Harry Zona, Barb Dwyer, Hi Noon, Vine Leaf, Rhoda Broom, Lettice Agree, Noah Lott, Al Bino, Hazel Nutt, Rose Bush, Teddy Bear, Tanya Hyde, Olive Branch, Gladys Friday, Holly Wood, Sue Flay, Pearly Gates, Eileen Back, Elle Fant, Liz Ard, Ali Katt, Christmas Day, Walter Mellon, and Alice May Fall.

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Comments

[mykebee]

...ya missed Dick Hertz from Holden.

[camanokat]

I went to school with a Candy Kane.

[rich3324]

Where's Mike Hunt?

[brent627]

Lest not forget: Frieda Slaves, Iona Trailer, Ida Slapter,

[GeeBee]

I used to work with a guy called Justin Case.

There's a rugby player on the England team called Austin Healey - it's an old British sports car. I often wonder if he was conceived in one!

[littlepitcher]

Seen, firsthand, on an insurance app: Marijuana Johnson, female, FL panhandle. For drugs, no doubt.
Cleveland, TN: Dr. (Jim) Bills
Alcoa --Dimple Beetle
Rockwood-- Boy Warner, whose parents never agreed on a name for him.

[lmpub]

Wow, you would have thought someone would think this through before saddling a kid for life with some of these.

[WiltonDiary]

Patty O'Doars!

[SinfullySublime]

No Dusty Rhodes?

[liveinhope23]

Mandy Lifeboats

[Nolana]

My older sister went to school with a girl named Polly Ester. Poor kid.

[peacebro]

Gay Holly Day....A friend of our family's name was Gay Day and her middle name was Holly.

[hottingers]

I used to have a customer named Hung Dong. We had a little routine we used to do when he would come in. I would say "How are you Hung?" and he would say "No Complaints".

[bimplebean]

Not puns, but I rememember coming upon some good names in the phone book, including Impy Snell and Rapunzel Freeny.

[wellingtonian]

My old neighbour was Wayne Kerr. He was a bit of one too!