Over the past couple of weeks, I have heard some of the most amazing stories of people overcoming racism and abuse in this country, and of people who continue to live under the stain of unbridled hatred. The stories have all come from readers, people who have reached deep to share incredibly powerful insights into the struggles of simply trying to be human in an environment that would deny them most anything at any time.
Ayin's saga of life after 9/11 as a U.S. citizen of Indian ancestry born and raised in the Northeast struck a deep chord for many. Readers were moved to share profound personal stories of their own, stories of racial intolerance and the unique ways each has found to rise above the limitations of the ignorance and hatred that surround them.
Some found incredible strength and insight through the experience and have risen to great personal heights, overcoming just about anything that stood in their way. Some emerged with an almost incomprehensible understanding and compassion in spite of their experience, while others have been embittered in ways that those who have not suffered such abuse may never understand.
So how do you overcome the insanity, whether of racism or religious intolerance, of political corruption or pure greed? How do you overcome the vitriol and hatred that seems to pass for discourse in our daily lives, whether played out on TV "news" programs or in the more "civilized" platforms of senate floors and houses of representatives?
I fear that there may not be any easy answers. There are many simple answers, but simple and easy are not necessarily the same.
As many have pointed out, some seem to be able to move on or through challenging circumstances more easily than others; some who have successfully risen above seemingly impossible situations appear to be superhuman in one way or another. Nevertheless, virtually every person I have ever worked with who has overcome adversity would say, "If I can do it, so can you."
Whether the individual has overcome physical challenges, racial injustice, abuse in many forms or economic collapse, all share something in common: the ability to recognize that what happened may not have been fair or of their choosing, but that any changes for the better would have to be made by them, regardless of the circumstances. They all have come to the conclusion that as bad as the circumstance might have been, they need not choose to further victimize themselves by their own attitude or by indulging in anything ranging from blame to self-pity. They all recognized that they need not walk the path alone or without support, but that each individual would have to do the work necessary to change his or her circumstance.
Of the many long letters I have received over the past few weeks, this rather short one perhaps best sums up the challenge, the solution and the call to support one another in the process of overcoming life's difficulties:
I am a middle aged female attorney who succeeded in a male dominated world of corporate real estate, getting a legal education before Title IX opened doors. I stand on the shoulders of many women and men who fought for my right to an education and my right to work. I did not achieve my success on my own. I was blessed with being born at the right time to the right family.
I went to high school with young women who were sexually and physically abused by their fathers or stepfathers, and who were sent to reform school because they were a problem at school. I went to school with young men and women who suffered from severe learning disabilities that were untreated and caused them to be the brunt of bullying and abuse from students and teachers alike. My empathy for my old classmates has made me an advocate for the rights of the less fortunate.
Those of us who walked difficult paths need to assist those whose paths may be even more difficult. We cannot say "I made it, so you can make it" and walk away. It's okay to acknowledge that the world is unfair and that some people have truly become victims of violence, illness, and discrimination. I won't give up trying to make the world a better place, if they won't give up trying to live in it to the best of their ability and their circumstances and in turn will fight for others who may face the same hurdles. I have no respect for people who whine about everything nor for people who trumpet their own achievements with no empathy for others.
Can you imagine a change of compassion in the day-to-day world in which we live? What would it take? What could you do to help? How can you work to improve your own circumstances while also lending a hand to those who may be in even more desperate states?
I would love to hear from you about your ideas, about what you have done to work around the challenges you are facing, or about what you have seen a friend or neighbor do that has been effective.
Please leave a comment here or drop me an email and let me know your experience.
Russell Bishop is an educational psychologist, author, executive coach and management consultant based in Santa Barbara, California. Watch for his new book, "Workarounds That Work: How to Conquer Anything That Stands in Your Way at Work," to be released January 2011. You can find out more about Russell at www.lessonsinthekeyoflife.com. Contact Russell by email at Russell@lessonsinthekeyoflife.com.
Follow Russell Bishop on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Russell_Bishop
MeiMei Fox: The Life Out Loud: Digital Diva Lindsay Siegel Says 'Choose Your Own Adventure'
The government says..If you kill or injure somebody we will put you in jail..
The church says Thou Shalt not Kill..
Business says buy our products so we can make more money
Is it not strange that in WARTIME
The Government says ..If you don’t go and kill and injure somebody we will put you in jail
The church says Thou Shall Kill..
Business says buy our munitions so we can make more money no matter what side you are on..
I"m not suggesting a career is everything, but teaching people how to see life with joy is priceless, and I get to share my sense of wonder about the world with them I listen to their stories, and then they find out mine, and we are all stronger because we know we can survive. Often, just knowing someone believes in them in *some* aspect of their life is the critical difference between success and despondence. I believe in my students and my colleagues.
But I know I don't have to participate in the bad behaviors. I don't have to speak hatefully, shoot off at the mouth, react to all the low common denominators thrown at me. Sometimes I just say and do nothing. That can't get me in too much trouble, even though I've found there are people who take offense at even that. When I'm stuck in a sticky situation I keep thinking about it until I find what feels like solution. When the problem is resolved I know I'm on the right track. When I really solve it I don't have to keep dealing with it.
This also means I've lived most of my life as a loner, but not in the sense of a loner who hates the world. Another way of looking at it is holding ones own.
Simple answer is all behavior is a choice. I don't care if I have to try many thousand times. I monitor my thoughts and behaviors and when something goes wrong in my life, I know it's life's way of telling me I need to direct attention to a mistake and not repeat it.
People really don't have to be part of the insanity.
Some one tells you a story of growing up in a poor neighbourhood and how they did this and that and escaped. The neighbourhood's still there! Individual solutions show us what is possible for individuals - they do not show us a path that is possible for all. For systemic problems we need systemic solutions. For social problems, social solutions.
Individual tales of American success at overcoming adversity. So popular. And true. So misleading.
Just look at history.