Soul-Talk: Are You Courageous or Just Self-Righteous?

What's the difference between true courage and the sometimes foolish or insensitive dogged determination that runs roughshod over other people in the name of some sacrosanct goal?

True courage takes many forms, few of them characterized by bravado and none of them insensitive or unkind. That doesn't mean true courage can't appear to be insensitive or unkind; when sourced from a deep sensitivity and caring, true courage is willing to take whatever stance is necessary to produce the desired results, and yet it is never produced out of bravado or some form of self-righteousness.

True courage stems from something heartfelt, not something powered by adrenaline, testosterone or emotional angst. That doesn't mean that true courage might not involve adrenaline, testosterone or powerful emotions, just that the source is something deeper. In fact, it may require adrenaline or even emotional charge in order to get the point across.

The word courage stems from the French word for heart, "coeur," and the suffix, "age" comes from the Vulgar Latin meaning "associated with or characterized by." Courage then means characterized by the heart. Another etymological derivation of the word would suggest that courage combines the word for heart and a word from Vulgar Latin meaning "to have good taste, to be wise."

In my vernacular, courage means to have the wisdom of the heart. In order to find out what courage really means, in order to access your own heartfelt wisdom, you are going to have to turn down the volume on your Self-Talk and listen more closely to your Soul-Talk.

Throughout this series on moving from Self-Talk to Soul-Talk, which began last October, we have been addressing which voice you listen to inside your own self: your Self-Talk, which typically has some form of criticism or limiting belief associated with it, and your Soul-Talk which, comes from a deeper, more connected aspect of who you truly are. For our purposes, we can assume that the heart is the center and source of your Soul-Talk.

If some part of you is saying anything like, "this guy is nuts," or "what's all this drivel about heartfelt wisdom," your Self-Talk is doing just fine. You may not be doing so well yourself while all that Self-Talk is running amok, but your Self-Talk will happily assure you that any disturbance you might be feeling has nothing to do with you but instead with the "drivel" or the "idiot" putting forth these weird notions.

What is heart-felt courage?

Courage often connotes some form of sacrifice, and indeed, the wisdom of the heart will often require sacrifice. However, courage sourced from bravado, insensitivity or righteousness, may only think about physical sacrifice. Heartfelt courage may lead you to sacrifice aspects of yourself much more difficult to put at risk. Heartfelt courage may ask you to sacrifice your pride and admit you are wrong, including long-held beliefs or positions about what is right and proper. Heartfelt courage may also ask you to sacrifice, or at least put at risk, your job, your relationship, or your self image.

Several months ago, a senior officer at one of my clients became incensed at some choices I was making while working with an under-performing team. As one of those "take no prisoner" types who powers through situations in dogged determination to reach his goal, he was all bent out of shape about my "sense of urgency" and wanted me to scramble the jets and attack the problem. However, his war-footing mentality often wound up getting things only kinda-sorta right, which eventually blew up on him, for which he then blamed his minions for the shortcomings. It was this very everything-is-an-urgent-priority approach to his business which had gotten him in trouble in the first place, but he was ill-prepared to observe much less acknowledge the consequences of his choices.

Over the course of the assignment, I found myself falling into my own victim trap of blaming him for things going south and the culture of fear that had been bred in his teams. As I was bemoaning my fate, a good friend and mentor reminded me that I, too, might have Self-Talk running from time to time and asked me to consider what my Soul-Talk would have me do in this instance. This little question sparked a great realization that I had been focusing on a form of physical (fiscal) level of security -- "jeez, I could lose this assignment if I confront him too strongly."

I found that I had been backing down from the actual wisdom of my heart for which I had been hired in the first place. That in turn helped me remember some incredibly simple yet sage advice found in one of my favorite new books, Loyalty to Your Soul by Drs. Ron and Mary Hulnick -- how you respond to the issue, is the issue.

My Self-Talk wanted to call up a kind of courage sourced out of righteous indignation. Had I fallen into the righteousness trap, I would have gone into some kind of blame conversation with my Self-Talk, supplying any number of arguments about how right I was and how wrong he was.

Having been reminded of my deeper, soul-centered purpose, I turned toward my heart and asked what my Soul-Talk would have me do. It didn't take too long before I was able to reframe the whole situation away from what was wrong about him into what he had hired me for in the first place. The conversation went something like this: "Mike, I don't think you hired me to do things the way they have been done all along. After all, you already have great skill in moving things forward quickly and producing results. However, you are also concerned about the collateral damage that occurs along the way. You hired me because I bring a different approach to the game, one that starts more slowly, to be sure, but also holds the promise of building more sustainable results by focusing more on people than executing projects."

To massacre an old philosophical bit of wisdom, I was advocating that we teach people to fish rather than order them to fish. I went on to say: "Strategies don't work -- people work strategies. Projects and processes don't work -- people work projects and processes. If we focus on developing your people, you will wind up accelerating your path to success, with a whole lot more rhythm and flow and a whole lot less stress and collateral damage along the way. If that's what you want, I'm your guy. If not, we might as well walk away now."

It took a while before Mike got comfortable with a different rhythm and apparently slower pace, but he soon recognized the wisdom of that ancient axiom, you sometimes have to slow down in order to speed up.

It took courage to confront Mike and let him know that if all he wanted was more of the same approach, he didn't need me. Indeed, he did get a little bent out of shape and nearly terminated my contract right there and then. However, we did find our way through the hiccup. We were able to turn the poorly-performing department around in about six weeks time. Performance did drop even more in the next couple of weeks, but then the team took off like the proverbial rocket. They went on to set monthly performance records month after month and to this day are still hitting it out of the park.

Next week, we will delve ever deeper into righteousness and the danger of living in your own righteousness rut.

In the meantime, I'd love to hear from you. What has been our experience with heart-centered courage? What sacrifices have you made and how have you benefited? Please do leave a comment here or drop me an email at Russell (at) russellbishop.com.

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If you want more information on how you can apply this kind of reframing to your life and to your job, about a few simple steps that may wind up transforming your life, please download a free chapter from my new book, "Workarounds That Work." You'll be glad you did.

You can buy "Workarounds That Work" here.

Russell Bishop is an educational psychologist, author, executive coach and management consultant based in Santa Barbara, Calif. You can learn more about my work by visiting my website at www.RussellBishop.com. You can contact me by e-mail at Russell (at) russellbishop.com.

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Comments

[Russell Bishop]

07:06 AM on 03/02/2012

Thanks everyone for these thoughtful comments. I am so thrilled to see interaction amongst our readers, and thy we are making the transition "from diatribe to dialogue.". Thanks again for your contributions!

[NancyY]

01:33 PM on 02/28/2012

I taught my trade of drafting and design at a private technical college for 2 1/2 years. I enjoyed teaching, but started noticing some very strange things - such as the fact that two students who had failed this or that class for either grade or attendance issues somehow moved on and did not have to repeat the quarter. I KNEW something was wrong there, and started asking questions. Instructors were not supposed to discuss individual students, so I just asked questions on very general terms with them; my suspicions were confirmed. As was required, I contacted the management from lower to upper levels asking about the situations about my particular students who had failed my classes, yet magically advanced. Needless to say, the management did not like my questions. I was bullied to the point where I finally quit, and found a better job elsewhere.

I reported this organization to the state, as I was certaint that they were violating state law. A criminal investigator with the Department of Education drove straight out to visit me. I know I provided damning information, which I had kept in my own files. Then, the FBI stormed 77 ITT Technical Institute campuses across the nation in April of 2004. I know mine was only a minor voice in this situation, but it was a voice anyway. So what if I was forced out of my job there, even though I enjoyed it? At least, I know I wasn't living a lie.

[NancyY]

01:05 PM on 02/28/2012

I worked for a major defense contractor in aerospace for a number of years, and noticed egregious favoritism along racial lines. It wasn't so bad that I had been denied a promotion, despite the fact that I was promised such, and that I had learned the required software in a month's time after my group and another group were merged. I was given the work of two individuals who, despite the fact that they had been in their elevated positions for well over a year, had not learned the software - and their occupancy of those positions prevented my promotion. I realized that I was being treated unfairly, and not in accordance with company and contract statutes. My conversations with my immediate management yielded no results. After six months of this mess, I quietly contacted the ethics board with plenty of information - and we were all laid off. Oh, well, at least those others were removed, so they weren't preventing the promotion of others in the group, and I found a better job immediately afterwards.

[ProRanger7777]

08:03 AM on 02/28/2012

From what you've written, I can see that you have placed many different faces on the word courage. To some, courage is being able to go to work and ask the boss for a raise, or tell him that you want to change SOP to more effective ways. To others, courage is taking a squads M60 machine gun and staying behind to hold off an approaching enemy, while your fellow soldier have time to evacuate the wounded. Even though you yourself are wounded and you will most likely die in saving your frinds lives by staying behind to provide cover. I think its alot like the word Hero today. To me, a hero is someone who would run into a burning building to save a starngers life,yet it is also used to applaud an athlete for scoring. To me,these words mean different things to different people, depending upon your life experiences.

[Dunnage]

05:24 AM on 02/28/2012

Like the Money Changers in the Temple vs. the 500 into the Valley of Death? Ya, I'll pass.

[Levi Ben-Shmuel]

08:04 PM on 02/27/2012

As your example points out, accessing the wisdom of the heart includes expanding your vision. If you stay narrowly focused on the needs and drives of the ego, chances are you limit your impact. But when you expand your vision to truly care about the greater context (as you did with the senior officer), the caring will come through and create the space to be heard and be more effective.

When our son was a few months old, my wife and I would take turns caring for him. It was my turn to go out and I was very much looking forward to going to the gym. Before walking out the door, I looked at her. She was exhausted! Instead of staying focused on my own need, I expanded my vision (and heart) to see her. I gladly dropped my gym bag and took our son out for a stroll. I got so much more out of being there for her than I would have from the workout.

Thanks for the post, Russell!

[Mrs Robinsons]

06:12 PM on 02/27/2012

I was raised to keep my religious views to myself...
to be kind to others regardless of their beliefs..
and to centre on behaving in God's world..

I did not need to worry about him judging me later...
as near as I understood...
he judged me daily..
as he was all knowing.

Everything that happened to me...
in my life, in my dreams, in my psychie...
was only between myself and God.

I was happy.

This decade has thrown me out of my comfort zone...
I do not see another alternative
but to explain to my zonal interferences..
my parameters...
for my understanding of God
and my expectation to be permitted to live my life for God at my body...
alone.

[orcinous]

02:07 PM on 02/27/2012

I take the high road in so many instances and pay the price time and again, but I will fight the good fight and eventually my dreams will come true.

[midtown]

12:44 PM on 02/27/2012

As a wise man once said, “It’s better to create harmony than it is to be right.”

[WriterGirl]

11:50 AM on 02/27/2012

The article posts an excellent question, and the concept of a "righteous rut" is something that more people should be introduced to. In my unstudied opinion, much of our toxic sociopolitical discourse today can be attributed to a strong preference to be "right" rather than to live harmoniously with people who think and live differently than you do.

[GraniteSkyline]

11:49 AM on 02/27/2012

I hope Rick Santorum is reading this.

[KDillabough]

09:36 AM on 02/27/2012

This post resonates to my very core. I'm a Soul-Talk kinda' gal, always encouraging people to press pause - to slow down to speed up - to engage one's mind and soul before opening one's mouth - to listen twice as much as we speak.

It's not always easy (or easily accepted) to operate from a place of "wisdom of the heart", especially when ego can raise its head and get all defensive or protective. I think of Self-Talk and Soul-Talk like a horse chestnut. Outside, the horse chestnut is prickly, and is like a suit of armour. It's like the "surface stuff" of many arguments, disagreements, misunderstandings and communication breakdowns. Inside, the meaty centre of the horse chestnut is the "soul". The place that, when we listen to it, we know the "right" thing to do, the compassionate way to behave, the higher ground.

I love the quote "how you respond to the issue, is the issue". And likewise, how you present the issue can make all the difference in the world.

I don't see that I've made "sacrifices" to live a life of heart-centered courage. Yes, it's not always easy, and taming the dragon ego takes diligence and patience sometimes. But taking the higher ground, being more invested in being understood than being "right" and sleeping well at night...well, it's all worth it. Cheers! Kaarina

[kenhamlett]

11:44 AM on 02/27/2012

I was going to write a comment, then read yours and liked it so much, I just decided to endorse it. I guess that makes me a Soul-Talk kinda' guy. I also do not feel that it takes "courage" to be who I am. I think it takes a degree of common sense, grounding, principles that are deeply held, and that elusive button that you mention that allows us to "pause." The HuffPost will have to look far and wide to find a better comment than yours today.

[KDillabough]

12:09 PM on 02/27/2012

Ken, I'm blown away by your comment. Thanks so much for your endorsement, your very kind words: I'm honoured and speechless, other than to say...thank you. You have no idea how much your words have impacted my day and my life. With gratitude, Kaarina

[sis14slf]

12:11 PM on 02/27/2012

Ditto!