Tyler Clementi might have been saved. Clementi, 18, a gay Rutgers University freshman jumped from the George Washington Bridge Sept 22 after his roommate Dharun Ravi posted a video of him in a sexual encounter with another man. His death raises questions about cyberbullying, outing and homophobia, as well as what universities might do to prevent such tragedies.
College roommates, gay and straight, encounter many obstacles living in a tense, close environment that is far more intimate than anything most teenagers have experienced before. Both turned to their online communities with disastrous outcomes. Where else might have they turned? What else could have been done for them?
Shy, reclusive, musically-gifted Clementi had apparently taken the bold step of asking his roommate Ravi to give him some time alone in their room. Unbeknownst to Clementi, Ravi turned on his webcam when he left their shared dorm room, wandered down the hall to fellow student, Molly Wei's room, logged onto his Skype account from her computer and made a recording of the encounter.
Ravi tweeted on Sept 19 "Roommate asked me for the room till midnight. I went to molly's room and turned on my webcam and saw him making out with a dude. Yay."
Then again later after he had posted the sex video he tweeted on Sept 21:
"Anyone with iChat, I dare you to video chat with me between the hours of 9:30 and 12. Yes it's happening again."
Wei, a pharmacy student, and Ravi, who is in Arts and Sciences, are individually charged with two counts of invasion of privacy after secretly accessing a video camera in the room of Clementi.
In New Jersey, it is a fourth-degree crime to view or collect nude or sexual imagery of another without that individual's consent. It is a third-degree crime to transmit or distribute such images. Wei and Ravi could each face up to five years in prison.
On the Rutgers campus and across the world, there has been much outrage and discussion of cyberbullying and outing. Surely what Clementi's roommate Ravi did was cruel, homophobic and illegal. Only Ravi's friends seemed to have shared his homophobic anxiety, wondering how he could have dared to go back into his dorm room with a gay roommate. Apparently Ravi didn't return to the room, and Clementi never saw him again after Sept 21.
As the Rutgers campus publicly mourns Clementi, the injustice he suffered due to his sexual orientation is clear and the students have been confronting it boldly. One student asserted that had Clementi "been in bed with a woman, this would not have happened... He wouldn't have been outed via an online broadcast and his privacy would have been respected and he might still have his life."
Clementi, for his part, appears to have posted fairly lucid messages on a gay community message board, which responded supportively to him. If the posts from cit2mo on JustUsBoys.com are indeed from Clementi, they depict a young man, comfortable in his sexual orientation and rightly outraged by his roommate's behavior. Hours before he jumped from the George Washington Bridge, an hour from his university, Clementi allegedy contacted his residential advisor, complained and requested a room change.
Such actions bespeak a bright young man refusing the role of the victim. But then he took his life. There is a huge lack of information about Clementi and why he took such extreme action after having stood up for himself and reached out to others--at least online. As the details of the case come out, there will be much more to learn about the relationship of Clementi and Ravi, two 18 year old men, one gay, one apparently straight, who had just arrived at college, just began to live and study together.
Presently there are many more questions that might be raised.
Has anyone yet reported or blogged on the life these two men lived together? What role did the difference in the two men's backgrounds play? What kind of family did they each come from? How many generations had each family been in the United States? One on-line India news agency reports that Ravi is of Indian descent, but doesn't say his religious or cultural background. Such questions are not trivial for university life. Indeed, for the same university population that protests cyberbullying and homophobia, one might ask whether their university community had sufficiently prepared these two young men for the complexities of living together with the many differences they each brought.
No college student arrives on campus in a state of perfect Kantian universalist tolerance. In fact most everyone arrives--quite snugly--wrapped in his/her own traditions and personal choices. College isn't the place to jettison tradition, but rather to see where one's set of beliefs might come in dialogue with others. One can examine, revise and even strengthen these at a university. But this is neither easy nor always successful.
Since not much is known about who these two men are and where they came from it is also hard to say how well-prepared they were to face each others differences. Most college freshmen know they should be aware of the LGBT community on campus, but remain often uncomfortable, lack the tools to overcome such discomfort and all too often find support for their intolerance.
What if they actually had more in common than it might seem? Were they simply a white young gay man and an Indian man, who was uncomfortable with him? What kinds of cultural experiences was Ravi encountering that might have complicated his own decisions? What about his accomplice Molly Wei? What was her experience? What kind of preparation had she received at the university? Who was this older gay stranger who visited Clementi in his room?
Aside from the missing information about the actors in this university-cyberdrama, surely universities are not unaware of all the writhing tensions of student resident life.
No doubt there must have been many discussions at Orientation Week about what to do if you are uncomfortable with your roommate's identity and personal decisions. It is not hard to imagine the awkward giggles and squirming, bored responses to such mandatory group sessions on social issues. Many universities have such orientation sessions put on by student services, where the newly arrived can discuss how to tackle a myriad of complicated questions about close living with another 18 year old stranger. Was sexual preference discussed?
But what happens if all that statistical planning in the housing office nevertheless produces as bad match between two people--as it often does? What do you do if you don't like your roommate's hygiene? Music? Religious, cultural, sexual practices? Maybe there was even discussion about how people from more traditional families might feel living with others from less traditional ones? If all this positive discussion occurred at some point or another, then how did it not help these two young men?
Even with all the heightened awareness on campus, students still struggle with the same questions and still require support from more experienced students and staff to help them make decisions. Has the training on campus been adequate? Too little? Too much? Perhaps campus discussions seem now trivial and old hat to these experienced web-crawling, social-networking students?
One thing is certain: The university alone is not at fault. Mr. Ravi is. But it's likely he's not some singularly evil homophobe in a larger sea of enlightened university people. How Mr. Ravi came to make the decisions he did is an interesting story in itself, whether it comes to see the light of day remains a question.
The last word is for our loss, the promising young Tyler Clementi. He did not appear to have adopted the role of the victim, what drove him to the George Washington Bridge and what might have been done for him?
Gareth Higgins: Tyler Clementi's Death: We're All Part of the Problem
On the flip side, I had another roommate who was completely toxic: self-centered, completely unaware of herself and her effect on others, and a liar. She was so awful that my best friend, another suite mate, went on weekends to stay with her boyfriend. We had this huge build-up against each other, until she wrote a note on the mirror about how she had used my toothbrush to clean the toilet. But this development took months, slowly building up seething dislike.
What Ravi did was inexcusable, but what probably started as discomfort developing into full-blown nastiness based on forced proximity. Maybe if they hadn't shared sleepspace, this could have been less ugly. But this looks like irrational dislike blown out of proportion within a short period of time, to where he lost the ability to see his roommate as a human being, rather than an antagonist.
Internet must be monitored more diligently in the digital age. I wrote a short text to use as
an educational tool in classrooms worldwide. Useful? It’s
called “Digirata” and is modeled as an homage to Max Erhmann’s famous
1927 poem Desiderata.
The purpose of writing an update in 2010 for the digital age is to
help students and teachers ponder the very issues that you are talking about above. The uncopyrighted and non-commerical text
reads:
“Go placidly amid the hot links and the distractions, and remember
what peace there may be in unplugging.
As far as possible be on good terms with all persons online and never,
never flame others or engage in any kind of cyberbullying or
cyberstalking.
Key in your truths quietly and clearly; and read what others have to
say, too; for they too have their
stories and ideas to impart, even if you disagree.
Avoid angry and aggressive flamers and out of control cyberbullies,
for they are vexations to the spirit of the Internet.
Exercise caution in who you give your personal details to; for the
world is full of trickery and scams waiting to part you from
your money.
Remember: With all its sham, mattdrudgery and quirky keyboards, it is
still a beautiful online world.
Be cheerful. Be careful, too. Use the smiley emoticon as much as
possible, and strive to be a happy camper. Unplug often.”
---
Not everyone who is a priest assaults children. I kind of in a weird place about homosexuality right now. I don't have a problem with gay people, but as of this moment i don't know where i stand on gay marriage. But it's truly aweful what happened to this guy =[
Why do you want to know that? If he's a first generation Immigrant then perhaps we can talk of deporting him?
As for his religious background why do you want to know that? I really what you know why that would be important. Is it because if Ravi is a muslim then the left wing Islamophobes can screech about what barbarians us brown devils are?
This story is tragic. A young man took his own life. Two other people may have driven him to it, they certainly did not pull him back from an edge....that he may have been close to going over for other reasons. All of that said the over the top rhetoric needs to be calmed down. I wonder I just wonder if all this talk about the race of Ravi and Wei leads to more hate crime against their races if anyone at huffpo will care.
Anyone gonna tell me that each and every culture thinks the same of Gays?
It's really telling that when pushed, how quickly white liberals flash their racist colors. One has to wonder if a white or black kid's American bona fides would come into question.
a. Who is to blame? A society who's religious component sets the tone of judgment on homosexuality while those playing god sexually assault children in confessionals and on altars may play a role in this broken society. It is easy to make a choice; it may not be easy living with the consequences of that choice.
b. I am concerned about this rush to conclude that this was "suicide"; there may be something more sinister afoot.
c. I am concerned that the academic response was to have a hastily formed "civility" class organized at a reasonable price. The academic "authorities" bear no responsibility in this?
Bottom Line: Rest in peace, Tyler; this reality is poorer now that you have left us.
And to Tyler himself, who for one brief moment was fragile and damaged enough to forget that HE was on the right side of morality and was undeserving of this abuse, I wish you much peace in death, Tyler. The kind of peace that was denied to you in this world by an immoral society which seeks to abuse and degrade and dehumanize its gay children, to the point where last week alone, 5 gay children under the age of 13 have taken their own lives.
And finally, to the heterosexuals in society that either carry out this abuse or do nothing to stop it, I can only wonder how you reconcile yourselves with what you have done and continue to do to all the gay children you created. And how you reconcile that with your souls and your spirits and your gods. And how you have the audacity to scream your heads off about 'morality' while you, en masse, participate in the absolutely vile & immoral treatment of your very own gay offspring. I simply wonder how you are capable of such treatment of others. I simply wonder HOW.
Morality indeed.
It is beyond sad that these are things that we as a culture have yet to truly address.
So, regardless of sex, gender, sexual orientation, SPEAK OUT. I know it's a risk, but you have untapped floods of support.
I'll do my part, too.
May we see that day in our lifetimes, when "all God's children will join hands, and sing "Free at last, free at last; thank God almighty, we are free at last." (Thank you, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.)
Is this really so hard to understand? He didn't want to be the star of a viral sex video, he didn't choose to be, and he couldn't undo it.
If Mr. Ravi was indeed homophobic, partnering him with a gay roommate as his opening experience of college life was certainly not the appropriate remedy for educating him or addressing his feelings.
As a gay man, Mr. Clementi deserved better as his opening experience of college life than to be partnered with a straight young man uncomfortable with him .
I really think colleges need to begin to look at sexual orientation as an issue to be considered when choosing random roommates for their students.