To some extent, the process of mating belongs to the body and the mind. The soul cannot mate with anything, nor does the soul need a mate because it is absolute and boundless. Only what is limited needs a mate in order feel a little better.
If you choose a mate because you want your body to feel a little better, we call that sexuality, and it can be quite beautiful. If we choose a mate because we want our minds to feel a little better, we call that companionship. If we want our emotions to feel better, we call that love. Experiencing good physical compatibility, companionship and a strong sense of love can make your life very wonderful in many ways, but if you are willing to look at all this very carefully and sincerely, you cannot deny the limitations with which they exist and the anxiety that naturally follows such arrangements. Though it is quite a fortune for a human being to find someone who is physically, mentally, and emotionally compatible, the limitedness of even that arrangement invariably becomes suffocating if you are unwilling to settle for the limited.
To have such a pleasant arrangement is like living in a beautiful garden. Every human being wants to have this, but this is not a matter of the soul. All the connections you make this way are either of the body, mind or emotions. You cannot connect anything else this way. It is extremely important that we understand the limitations with which we are living and try to make the best of them for now, and then see how we can go beyond our limitations tomorrow.
If you do not understand the limitations of your relationship, it gets greatly decorated, but when it crashes it becomes so ugly you cannot even walk out of it gracefully. It becomes ugly simply because you tell many lies to yourself and to the other person. It is better to be straight, at least with yourself. Even if your partner lacks the necessary maturity for you to be 100 percent straight with him or her, you must at least be straight with yourself.
It is very, very important to be straight with yourself; otherwise, life won't work right. And if you are very straight with yourself, you will see through things very easily. There are lots of things that people think are important that won't matter to you or even make much sense to you. The more sincere you are with yourself, the clearer you will see things and the less melodrama you will create in order to make your life more intense and interesting. Without all the melodrama, you will become freer and freer, and you will quickly become less entangled. You will cut away one encumbering rope at a time. Then you will rise to higher and higher elevated realities.
If you do not become absolutely straight with yourself, it may take a lifetime to deal with every little thing that disturbs you before you finally come to the point where you realize that all your worry is not getting you anywhere. That is a waste of your time -- and of life.
But if you are very straight with yourself, you will see that most of the things that are highly romanticized in the world actually mean nothing at all. They are all very empty. Life is full as it is, it does not need decorating. Only those who are missing the intensity of the life process -- those who are not in perception of the grandeur of life within -- have this juvenile idea that they have to enhance life. The life process does not need any assistance from you to become beautiful, if only you are willing to merge with it and know its beauty.
Does this mean you should not enjoy the simple aspects of life? No. Let's apply this to the moment. If you eat your dinner, will you get enlightened? No, but that does not mean we won't eat dinner; we eat. We can still enjoy the simple process of life even though dinner is not going to get us to the ultimate. Our bodies are hungry. Similarly, if you are hungry in your emotions, body and mind for certain things, you get married. But you know very well that this is not the ultimate.
This is a good and sensible way to handle your marriage. If you believe too many fancy things about your relationship, then it cannot help but disappoint you. Relationships are made to make our life journey pleasant for ourselves, and also for those around us.
This article has been excerpted from the book "Midnights with the Mystic" which is listed below.
Isha Yoga's "Inner Engineering" program is now available online. For more information, visit: www.InnerEngineering.com
Sadhguru will teach Inner Engineering programs in Los Angeles (October 15-16, 2011), New Jersey (Nov 5-6, 2011) and Toronto (Nov 12-13, 2011). Isha Yoga programs are based on tested, scientific principles. They offer tools for optimal health, emotional well-being and professional excellence. To participate, visit: www.InnerEngineering.com
For over 25 years, the Isha Foundation has touched and transformed the lives of millions of people around the world. To learn more, please visit Sadhguru's bio page.
HuffPost Lifestyle is a daily newsletter that will make you happier and healthier — one email at a time. Learn more