THE BLOG
11/18/2010 05:54 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Still Mad About Me

Explain to me the phenomena of where the husband has the affair, leaves the wife of 26 years who loved him, strips her of her house and belongings and stability, treats her abominably, and he's mad at her. I find it fascinating. Wait a minute, shouldn't I be the one who's mad? Doesn't he feel guilty and awful and that he has left me for someone else? Isn't he worried about me and how I will I cope? Doesn't he want to make sure I am okay? I have heard of a lot of husbands who honored their first wife, the mother of their children, and thought I want to give her whatever she needs, I feel so bad. Well, not my ex. I think the only way he can live with himself is that he has to be mad at me because then he doesn't have to look at himself or be accountable for all the things he has done. Clever, put the focus on me and find reasons to be mad at me. Better yet create situations where I will say, "That is not right", so he can get mad. Okay, I get that.

He's mad that he got himself an apt. and still has to pay for things in the care of the house.

He's mad because he has to pay for the landscaping in the garden that he always paid so he doesn't pay. He's mad when the landscapers don't come because the garden looks run down. He's mad the grass grew longer and that I didn't mow it.

He's mad because in having to divide up the house I want the same furniture he wants. It completely eludes him that we picked it out together, and enjoyed it together in our house, our nest. Why wouldn't I want those same pieces he does? He's mad that I do.

He's mad that I wouldn't give him back the jewelry that he gave me as a gift. He wants to count it as a shared asset and he wants half of it. He's mad because I told him that wasn't right because they were gifts, and besides was he going to wear it? He's mad I asked him that.

He's mad because every so often I need to know where he is. Like to tell him my father died, or when someone is interested in buying our house, or something needs to be signed or when our daughter is in the hospital. He doesn't want me to know where he is and gets mad if I ever ask him. He's mad because he has a new girlfriend and he's traveling and he doesn't want to be reminded of the wreckage he left behind or have anything interfere with his re-invention of himself. He's mad because I remind him who he is.

He has to be mad at me all the time now because he divorced me.

If he wasn't mad at me he wouldn't have divorced me. If he doesn't stay mad at me than it might confuse him about why he divorced me. Certainly his girlfriend wants him to be mad at me because if he is not mad at me than he might like me again, or even love me.

Clearly it is much easier to live with himself, and overlook his accumulation of lies, deceitful behavior and acts of betrayal, and just plain not being nice, if he is mad at me. If he is mad at me then everything makes sense.

Boy oh boy it's a mad, mad, mad, mad world!