13 Rules to Care and Feed a Friendship

l. Don't be the kind of person who buys a pregnant woman a belt. Think before you gift.

2. Non-negotiable: offer to accompany your friend to the biopsy and when asked to donate to her worthy cause, cough up.

3. If a friend goes passive-aggressive on you, work things out. If necessary, impersonate grownups.

4. If you're the passive-aggressive one, own and fix it.

5. If you're upset by something a friend does/says, react ASAP. The longer you ruminate, the more likely you'll explode, which will lead So-So Friend to think you are the creep while she steeps in denial about her questionable behavior.

6. Not every friendship is meant to last forever. The purpose of some is to teach a lesson. When a friendship starts to crumble, learn your lesson, and then think hard about putting the friendship on life support. Prolonging may ultimately cause hurt, while a gentle fade-out can be an act of kindness.

7. Should you intercept a call from a headhunter meant for your friend, don't chase the job.

8. Sing along: "I've lost the friends I needed losing, found others along the way."

9. The ability to show compassion is possibly the best trait of all and if coupled with humor, nurture that friendship with profound care.

10. Show up.

11. Show up again. Sometimes tit for consistent .75 tat is good enough.

12. Offer advice and opinions in the sweet spot between innocuous and judgmental.

13. If you review your friend's novel on Amazon or Barnes & Noble's website, go for 5-stars or don't bother. (You'd like to review my novel, "With Friends like These?" Why thank you!)

Your golden friendship rule? Do tell! Best rule in a comment wins a signed copy of "With Friends like These."

www.sallykoslow.com.

 

Follow Sally Koslow on Twitter: www.twitter.com/sallykoslow

Comments

[DrVivian]

11:17 PM on 08/21/2010

Good friends take time to comment on their friend's blog posts! Nice piece Sally. I'm looking forward to reading you newest book while on summer vacation.

[Climber Seeker]

03:59 PM on 08/19/2010

Loyalty and kindness are keys...Did you know these two things find favor with both God and people and earns you a good reputation? See Proverbs 3:4.

[Sally Koslow]

03:42 PM on 08/19/2010

Excellent advice everyone...thanks for the reactions and new rules! Sally Koslow

[ramblinrose8]

03:16 PM on 08/19/2010

LISTEN...truly Listen to friends, family and folks unknown alike. It is a gift given and taken. Don't have an answer forming in your head as another person speaks...just hear what they say then form your answer. Sometimes folks don't need a response, they don't need advice. They just need your ear and maybe your shoulder...listening shows you care. It shows you are truly interested. Granted I spent 3 hours with a girlfriend who did nothing but talk for three hours straight about nothing the other day. But it made her happy and relaxed and she's worth it! LISTEN...and you will truly discover who your friend is...and even more importantly who you are!

[Marioli]

12:21 PM on 08/19/2010

Be kind, and the be kind, and then be kind.
Actually a good one to use with anyone - friend or foe. It doesn´t mean to accept everything, by the way!

[Wendy Koch]

07:08 PM on 08/18/2010

If you can afford it and he/she can't, don't split the check. But do it quietly.