1) Clarence Thomas appeared to be sleeping, but it turns out he was playing "Words With Friends."
2) Justice Scalia's theory that the purpose of marriage is to procreate is tempered by the results of the Lohan marriage.
3) Sarah Palin's plan to appear outside the court is canceled when she learns there will only be three thousand cameras available.
4) Spectators are stunned when the House lawyer argues that if gay marriage is "skim milk" then a marriage with one person in the closet is 2 percent.
5) Dick Cheney admits he found out his daughter Mary is gay through waterboarding.
6) Tea Partiers breathe a sigh of relief when they prevent Marcus Bachmann from showing up.
7) Gay people from all over America text "thank yous" to Saxby Chambliss for stating he was not a homsexual.
8) Glenn Beck listeners become suspicious when he opens his Friday show with a celebratory review of "Glee".
9) Embarrassment reigns when Donald Trump refuses to believe Rachel Maddow is gay until he sees her birth certificate.
10) The hosts of Fox and Friends are stunned to find out that "The Amazing Race" does not mean white people.
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