05/15/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Post Passover Ponderings

1) William Kristol, the Frank Sinatra Jr. of neocons, comepletely misquoted President Obama's speech before the Turkish parliament. Why? Had he not, he would have been right for the first time since he stated his name to the Department of Motor Vehicles.

2) Sixteen year old Miley Cyrus said dating her twenty-one year old boyfriend brings her "closer to the Lord". So I guess yelling "oh Jesus" during sex is actually a religious act.

3) Cyrus also said that after reading "Alice in Wonderland",she is certain Lewis J. Carroll took Ecstacy. Ecstacy first hit in 1988, Carroll died in 1898. Good luck on that Celebrity Jeopardy appearance,Miley.

4) I read that Tiger Woods is a lousy tipper because he doesn't carry cash. See that line on the charge slip that says "Tip",Tiger? It doesn't require cash. I will now take the field against this miserly brat.

5) Telling GM to prepare for bankruptcy is like telling Rush Limbaugh to prepare for lunch.

6) Did you notice how the screenplay of "Don't Mess With the Zohan" dumps on Mel Gibson because of his anti-Semitic rants? Thank you Adam Sandler, Robert Smigel, and Judd Apatow.

7) Two thousand six hundred dollars for a seat in Yankee Stadium? For that money, do i get a lap dance during the seventh inning stretch?

8) I wonder if the bandits in the waters off the coast off of Somalia will put a damper on "The Pirates of the Carribean" franchise.

9) Did you notice the increase in heterosexual divorces in Vermont once gay marriages were legalized? Me either.

10)I thought it was great when the NRA apologized for all the murders committed by firearms in the hands of the deranged. Oh,that's right, they didn't.