January: Bush apologists who attest to his intelligence and foresight start giggling uncontrollably in the middle of their interview, followed by winking and elbow nudging.
February: Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld prove their machismo by shooting each other in the face.
March: March Madness is interrupted by Bob Knight's spitting on referees and cheereladers, despite the fact he is no longer coaching.
April: Saturday Night Live goes on hiatus, discouraged by the fact that their talented staff cannot come up with one funny thing to write about President Obama.
May: Ann Coulter writes a column slamming Mother's day as a left wing sham. In a related story, Dom Deluise writes a column debasing Weight Watchers.
June: Father's Day in Wasilla, Alaska is presented on To Tell the Truth.
July: Brett Favre signs with the New York Yankees. His first pitch is intercepted by the batboy.
August: Jeb Bush is disqualified from The Biggest Loser when he sneaks a meal in front of Somalian refugees.
September: Paris Hilton endorses John McCain.
October: Rod Blagojevich wins Halloween costume contest dressed as Honest Abe Lincoln.
November: Elizabeth Hasselback leaves her husband, marries Billi Jean King, and is fired from The View.
December: Joe the Plumber drowns in a pipe explosion, destroying a Christmas Tree, Hannukah Menorah, and Kwanza harvest display.