09/16/2010 12:50 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Sometimes a Christian

There is a rationale among some of the fundamentalist Christians. Whenever they are called out for slanderous language or a mean spirited attitude, the next phrase that comes out of their mouth is something like "I am not perfect, I strive everyday to be a better man, I cry out in shame for my sins."

Really? You cry out in shame? Your neighbors must be ticked off with all that shouting. The truth is that those who espouse that line of hooey are cafeteria fundamentalists. They pick the time and place to be decent, and when they aren't (I call it being human, not sinning) they wail and moan about how imperfect they are. Why can't they just say, I'm human, I make mistakes, I'll make a lot more.

I'll tell you why.

They can't because they spend most of their day telling other people how to behave, how their God is better than your God. They wag their finger (sometimes more than a finger) at gays, at women who have suffered through abortions, at atheists, and of course, everyone with less money who might need a hand from the government, those folks are just getting handouts from a Socialist cabal. Those super religious folks are very strict in their attitudes. Unless it's lying.

Christine O' Donnell is such a carbon copy of Sarah Palin that she has even taken to wearing horn rims in public. She is young, and pretty, and charismatic, and a liar.

Sarah Palin preaches sexual abstinence while knowing that her daughter was joined at the hip (so to speak) with Levi Johnston. She got a lot of money to buy clothes from the GOP, said she barely used it, but the truth is she demanded more. Now those are lies that can be disputed. Your educational history cannot.

Baby Christine graduated this very year from college. She tells a different story on her resume. In that papyrus pile of poppycock, she said she graduated in the last century. That is a lie. She lied. She also said she studied at Oxford. Wow, is that two lies?

All is well in delusional land, however. Her followers will make up some paper-thin stuff about how Christine got confused or the mainstream media is out to get her. What they can't say is this:

We don't care if she lied. We are trying to elect someone easily controlled who will help the business interests who sponsor us achieve lower taxes. The abortion/gay/immigrant/Muslim foray is just a smokescreen. Some us of have had abortions, and the GOP has more homosexuals than the conga line at a gay wedding. It's all about taxes, and if this dim doll can help us achieve that, fine.

Oh! She is against masturbation. See, Christine, that's a position that a smarter woman wouldn't have taken. You don't want to be a Daily Show joke, and now you will be. In fact, the potential was always there, you just realized it. Now I'll think of you whenever I order jerked pork.

Please don't be mad at The Daily Show, fundamentalists. They are only joke writers. They are not perfect, they are only human. Every day they cry out...

Sounds pretty asinine when someone else says it, huh?

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