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Sam Johnson
Sam Johnson is a comedy writer, filmmaker and college consultant living in Beijing, China. A recipient of the the Jack Oakie Comedy Screenwriting Award at USC's Peter Stark Producing Program, his work has appeared in the pages of The Harvard Lampoon, Heeb and Coed Magazine as well as on Cartoon Network. Now he helps students pursue their dreams.

His website and blog are conveniently located on the internet:

Entries by Sam Johnson

11 Takeaways From the 1st GOP Debate

(0) Comments | Posted August 7, 2015 | 9:36 AM

11. "When you find mush, you push" is a belief shared by both Scott Walker and Vladimir Putin, but it's not nearly as grossly sexual as you're thinking.

10. One time back in the 2000s, one of Donald Trump's friends got pregnant and wanted to abort the child,...

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Leaked Upcoming 50 Shades of Grey Sequels!

(0) Comments | Posted June 30, 2015 | 4:50 PM

Ever since EL James' new masterwork "Grey: Fifty Shades of Grey as Told by Christian" became a runaway bestseller, everyone who can read has been clambering for more! Luckily, these upcoming titles have just been leaked to me. (Caution: Spoilers.)

"Kavanagh: Fifty Shades of Grey as Told by...

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Some College Application Magic

(0) Comments | Posted May 17, 2015 | 3:09 AM

As a College Admissions Consultant in Beijing, I have seen a number of different approaches from students over the years in terms of how they choose to interact with the admissions committee. Some are reserved and formal, which is "safe," but this may not push you over the edge if...

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White Anglo-Saxon Protestant Girlfriend or a Cat? A Quiz

(0) Comments | Posted April 3, 2015 | 3:39 AM

Do the following statements refer to (a) my White Anglo-Saxon Protestant girlfriend or (b) a cat?

  1. Her hair is a flaxen yellow and smells of lavender, but makes me sneeze.
  2. She won't eat salmon out of a can because it's "beneath her."
  3. We live together, but sometimes our relationship seems...
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Dear Rajon Rondo

(0) Comments | Posted April 1, 2015 | 11:38 AM

Dear Mr. Rondo,

On August 5th, 2011 I was kicked off of Twitter for impersonating you. And for that I am truly sorry.

It all started as a practical joke, just because I realized that @therealrondo was not taken yet on Twitter. But it quickly snowballed. My original concept...

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50 Shades of Brown

(1) Comments | Posted February 12, 2015 | 10:51 AM

Chapter 1:

At that time I was still just your average millennial young woman -- a painfully shy, 21-year-old virgin who doesn't have a computer or even an email address. I had big dreams to be a reporter someday, but also to fall in love and get married...

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Alex Malarkey and the Death of American Innocence

(1) Comments | Posted February 2, 2015 | 11:51 AM

On January 13, 2015 America's innocence was stolen. Again.

The culprit? Alex Malarkey, who at age six was paralyzed by a car accident and wrote a New York Times bestseller about the experience and now at 16 admits he knowingly, shamelessly bore false witness against his own god:

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My Gap Year Gone Wrong: A College Essay

(0) Comments | Posted December 3, 2014 | 12:45 PM

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Have you ever slaughtered a goat with a machete and fed it raw to...

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What NOT to Write on a College, Grad School or MBA Resumé

(0) Comments | Posted November 18, 2014 | 12:43 PM

Colleges and grad schools ask a lot of their applicants these days, and one of the trickier requests is a compelling and typo-less resumé. A series of terse headings with short bullet points describing business and extracurricular activities does not scream "compelling," but here are eight tips I've learned as...

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What NOT to Include in Your College Application Essays

(0) Comments | Posted November 5, 2014 | 10:53 AM

College early action and early decision deadlines have come and gone, and you know what that means! Time to start prepping even more essays. (Sorry to all those going through this process. I feel your pain.)

The good news is: I have some words of wisdom to help make...

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XO Jane It Happened to Me: My First Crush Joined the Austrian Nazi Party By Liesl von Trapp

(0) Comments | Posted October 21, 2014 | 5:01 PM

So there I was 16 -- going on 17 -- looking for someone to take care of me, when all of a sudden I met Rolph. Even now after all that's happened, his beautiful Germanic name rolls off the tongue like a fresh schnitzel crust and sends me head over...

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An Interview With Jewish Artificial Intelligence, Eugene Goostman

(1) Comments | Posted June 24, 2014 | 8:13 AM


With about 170 Nobel Prizes already to my people's name, it was no surprise to me that a Jew would be the first to crack the Turing Test, in which an Artificial Intelligence is meant to trick a human into believing...

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A Modest Proposal for the 2018 World Cup

(0) Comments | Posted May 19, 2014 | 12:39 PM

After Russia's exemplary job hosting the Sochi Olympics and the fine role it has played as a legitimate world power in the last month, it's only reasonable to expect great things from the 2018 World Cup in Russia. The wisdom and good taste of both the International...

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