THE BLOG

Leaked Upcoming 50 Shades of Grey Sequels!

06/30/2015 04:50 pm ET | Updated Jun 30, 2016

Ever since EL James' new masterwork "Grey: Fifty Shades of Grey as Told by Christian" became a runaway bestseller, everyone who can read has been clambering for more! Luckily, these upcoming titles have just been leaked to me. (Caution: Spoilers.)

"Kavanagh: Fifty Shades of Grey as Told by Anastasia's Best Friend Kate Kavanagh"
In this retelling of the classic work we get to see the story from the point of view of Anastasia's best friend and roommate, Kate. While you'll miss out on much of the sex in this version, you'll get a much deeper exploration of what it's like being a recent female college graduate trying to make ends meet in post-recession Vancouver, Washington.

"Grace: Fifty Shades of Grey as Told by Christian's Mom, Grace Trevelyan Grey"

This time the story is told from the perspective of Christian's mom as she recounts what she knows of his S&M affair to her nosy Sunday book club.

"50 Shades of Shades"
This one takes the old story and adds a new twist. All the characters are super cool and wear dark shades, even indoors when they are making love. The best line: "Anastasia, drop your panties" he said, "but leave the shades."

"Desk Lamp: Fifty Shades of Grey as Told by a Desk Lamp That Anastasia and Christian Knock Over While They're Doing It"
Sort of self-explanatory.

"Ghosts of Grey"
This one is a real mindbender--delving into the world of Paranormal Romance. It's the original story of "Fifty Shades" told from the point of view of Christian's (ever-present but unseen) guardian angel--a deeply repentant Adolf Hitler working to earn his redemption.

"Fifty Shades Rex: Fifty Shades of Grey as Told by Christian Grey's Corgi"
Here's your chance to see what things look like from below. Wink Wink! The twist? Rex is 15-years-old and blind in his right eye from glaucoma. He lost a leg to cancer a year back, so he has to move around on wheels strapped to his torso. At the end Ana puts him down.

"Ceiling Fan: Fifty Shades of Grey as Told by The Ceiling Fan in The Red Room of Pain"

At first I thought this was just gonna be a rip off of "Desk Lamp." But as I started reading I realized there was a major difference. In this one, the character of Ceiling Fan is both sentient and gendered. The most intriguing line in my opinion is this: "I'm so happy to be the one who keeps Christian from working up too much of a sweat while he's participating in his BDSM lifestyle," said Ceiling Fan to herself. "God, how I hate you, Anastasia!"