White Anglo-Saxon Protestant Girlfriend or a Cat? A Quiz

04/06/2015 04:12 pm ET | Updated Jun 02, 2015

Do the following statements refer to (a) my White Anglo-Saxon Protestant girlfriend or (b) a cat?

  1. Her hair is a flaxen yellow and smells of lavender, but makes me sneeze.
  2. She won't eat salmon out of a can because it's "beneath her."
  3. We live together, but sometimes our relationship seems so distant that I wonder if she cares whether I live or die.
  4. She doesn't wear jeans.
  5. Sometimes I have to give her animal tranquilizers when she gets upset.
  6. I had to learn the hard way that her nails are EXTREMELY sharp.
  7. When she looks me directly in the eye it is an experience so darkly chilling that it shakes my soul.
  8. I didn't mention I was Jewish the first time I met her.
  9. She has a terrible relationship with her family, but we never talk about it. Honestly, we just never talk in general.
  10. A rich old lady is going to leave her everything in her will.
  11. Someday I want her to have 8-12 children, but we'll give some of them away.
  12. One time she left a dead mouse in our bed, and I didn't know what to say or do.
  13. Another time I caught her having sex with a stranger in the alley behind our apartment. We've never spoken about it.