06/21/2010 10:11 am ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011

What Men Really Want in a Woman They Are Dating

Have you ever wondered what men really want in a woman?

Here's what I know ...

    A man wants a happy woman.
This does not mean that she needs to be skipping through the daisy fields or that she needs to be Mary Poppins, but he wants her to have positive energy and have a happy disposition. He has enough negativity all day at the office, so when he comes home, he wants to be greeted by someone who is happy and has a smile on her face.

  • A man wants a woman who knows what is going on in his life.
  • This does not mean that he wants you to keep a calendar of when he is pitching work projects, but he wants you to remember when things are happening in his life and likes it when you remember to inquire about them.

  • A man wants a woman who can "pick her spots."
  • What I mean by this is that he wants a woman who will NOT make a federal case out of every single thing he does wrong and who will cut him a break from time to time. Men realize they are bad at relationship and dating; they admit this to me all the time. However, they certainly don't want to be with a woman who never lets him forget this.

  • A man wants a woman who cares about being sexy for him
  • . This means that she knows what kind of lingerie he likes and she wears it for him, that she wears the perfume he likes (as long as she can tolerate it) and that she knows his opinion of the difference between sexy and sleezy.

  • A man wants a woman who admires him.
  • Men need to feel strong, useful and smart, so they like women who help them feel that way. If you are constantly berating him, questioning his every move and trying to make him feel like an idiot, he will leave you.

  • A man wants a woman who can hold her own when they are out in public.
  • This does not mean that you have to be the life of the party or be able to be without him and be talking to strangers for hours at a time. This means that if he brings you to a work event and he walks up to a colleague and his wife, you can make idle chit chat with her. Or, if he goes to the bathroom and leaves you for 5 or 10 minutes, you can find something about which to interact with other people. He doesn't want to be with a wallflower.

  • A man wants a woman who lets him have a guy's night out every once in awhile without recrimination, accusations, and/or guilt.
  • Guys tell me all the time that when women question their every move and give them a hard time about spending time with their friends, this makes them feel suffocated and trapped. A guy needs to be on his own occasionally, so he has the space to be a guy.

  • A man wants a woman who can fit into "all the buckets."
  • I hear this a lot with different terminology but the idea is the same -- a man wants a woman who can fit into 4 important groupings -- she needs to be attractive/sexy to him, she needs to be smart/logical, she needs to be family oriented and she needs to be able to play well with his family and friends. Many men tell me that they can often find a woman who fits into one or sometimes two of his buckets but he rarely hits the bonanza -- all four. If you are a four bucket gal for your guy, he will probably marry you.

    Samantha Daniels is a well known Professional Matchmaker, President of Samantha's Table Matchmaking and the author of Matchbook: The Diary of a Modern Day Matchmaker (Simon & Schuster).

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