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Samantha Daniels

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Matchmaker in the Know: Rules About Sex When Dating

Posted: 06/08/10 11:53 AM ET

Have you ever wondered if there are any real rules about sex when you are dating?
dating?

Here's what I know...

1. There are no real rules when it comes to having sex when you are dating.
You need to make your own rules, the rules that feel comfortable for you.

2. The old adage that if you sleep with him on the first date means the
relationship will never work out is not true.
There are plenty of happily married couples that will tell you that they had sex on the first date and then they got married.

3. Having sex with someone very quickly is not the problem in and of itself,
its more about how you behave and interact after the sex.

4. As long as you understand what the sex signifies, you can have it at anytime
you feel comfortable.
What I mean by this is that you need to be realistic
about what sex means given the situation. If you just started dating someone, then you need to accept that the sex is of a casual nature and if you have been with someone longer, then it is more meaningful.

5. Most women take sex much more seriously than most men. Chances are, even if a woman says that she can have casual sex without it meaning anything, she is probably not being 100 percent truthful.

6. If you are a woman who attaches a lot of meaning to having sex with someone, don't try convincing yourself that all of a sudden, you can become "casual sex girl." It is very different to turn off those emotions especially if you are an emotional girl.

7. If you are dating a guy who usually sleeps with more than one girl at the same time, don't automatically assume that he is behaving differently with you just because you are you or just because he whispers a lot of sweet nothings in your ear during the lovemaking. If you want to know if he is being monogamous, you need to ask him. Moreover, until he confirms or denies, you are naive to think that you are the only one in his bed.

8. In the beginning, you should be having a lot of sex and it should be easy to turn each other on. If this isn't happening, you should be considering if the two of you have strong sexual chemistry and if strong sexual chemistry is important to you.

9. If you are a woman who likes to take it slow when it comes to having sex, that is okay. A guy should be willing to be patient about this at least for a little while, if he likes you. A reasonable amount of time to make him wait is until you are seeing him regularly or until you feel comfortable and want to do it. There is no set time frame, however most men say they will wait for one month but they probably will not wait for three especially if they are seeing you consistently.

10. Don't use sex as a weapon or a game when you are dating; all this will do is make him go find it elsewhere.

Samantha Daniels is a well known Professional Matchmaker, President of Samantha's Table Matchmaking and the author of Matchbook: The Diary of a Modern Day Matchmaker (Simon & Schuster).

 

Follow Samantha Daniels on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Matchmakersd