I have for sure been adulting since I was forced to leave Ithaca, NY almost eight years ago after my childhood bedroom called and said my four years of fucking around were up.
Since then, I’ve struggled with, adjusted to, and barely mastered the art of being a grown up. And let me tell you, it fucking sucks, but I deal because I have to. We all have to. Life is evil. Fact. End rant.
Back in the day, I used to write stuff about the things you had to START doing in order to become an adult. Such things included: cooking real dinners not in the microwave, calling places to book appointments on a regular basis, and killing bugs in your home without freaking out. Now, I do all of those things without thinking. AKA I’ve mastered part 1 of becoming an adult. On to part 2…
While crossing over to the other side (~adulthood~), I’ve noticed that growing up doesn’t just happen when you start doing things. It also happens when you STOP doing things. Over the past couple of years, I’ve noticed that I’ve just flat out stopped doing things I used to do. While I used to get upset that I no longer do the same shit I used to do, I now realize that stopping stuff is just “part 2” of becoming an adult.
Here’s what I have found to be the timeline of adulthood, so far: Part 1: start doing stuff Part 2: stop doing stuff Part 3: live your best life Part 4: retire
Since I’m only on part 2, here are the things I’ve discovered you must STOP doing in your 20s to officially cross over into adulthood and part 3: live your best life.
1. Pre-gaming
From 17 to 24, I lived the infamous quote “I pre-game harder than you party.” Then, when I got older, if I pre-gamed even remotely close to how much I “partied,” I would end up passed out by 8pm. In my mid-20s, I still tried to pre-game because I can be cheap AF, but then going out became my pregame. And then, there was no pre-game. This is mostly because I can’t handle drinking like I used to – but also because if I ever used the phrase “pre-game” now, people would look at me like I was Matthew McConaughey in “Dazed and Confused.” Tryna be young when I really just, like, kind of old.
2. Going out every weekend
Instead of going out when I want to stay in, like I spent the majority of my mid-20s doing, I now stay in when I want to stay in. I go out now as much as I stayed in during my early 20s. It’s almost as if “going out” and “staying in” swapped places. Actually, they definitely did swap places.
3. Sending mass texts
Mass texts were the bane of my existence from my early 20s through my mid 20s. The difference: everyone played along with the mass text in my early 20s, unlike my mid 20s when everyone pretty much started answering them less and less, until mass texts became extinct. Side note: This does not include mass texts with a small group of friends about life in general. This is more mass texts with a bunch of random people about making plans.
4. Shopping for cheap fast fashion
I don’t mean Forever 21. Hopefully, most people stop shopping at Forever 21 around age 25 before the idea of adulthood becomes even remotely appealing. When I say “cheap fast fashion” I mean buying super trendy clothing at high prices from semi-expensive stores, like Zara and Nordstrom and everywhere. I mean, its fine to buy some trendy stuff – but focusing on investment pieces that you can wear a bunch is so much more adult.
5. Drunk eating
Okay, I still have the urge to eat after I have one too many drinks. But I’m not always running to pizza as if drunk pizza is a life or death situation, which it used to be. I mean, “drunk ate” grapes a few weeks ago. It was weird, but I guess that’s when you know you’re an adult.
6. Deferring to my mom before making important life choices.
As a newfound grown up, I figure out things myself, or I at least try. I used to call her literally every time I was making a decision to ask what to do (from finding out how long I should put something in the microwave to how should I phrase this thank you letter to a prospective new job). Now I only ask her how to do things 50% of the time. #Adulting
7. Thinking of the house I grew up in/my parent’s home as my home.
I guess this one doesn’t count for those still living in their parent’s home, because then, well, that is still your home. But if you’ve moved out, and you no longer think of the home you grew up in as home, then pat yourself on the back because you, my friend, are reaching peak adulthood.
8. Being on top of today’s hottest music.
You don’t have to ever stop listening to pop music, but as an adult, you’ll be late to party when finding it. And knowing the cool, underground tunes today’s youth is loving? Good luck with that. After all, it’s not about stopping cool music playlists from appearing on your Spotify… It’s about stopping knowing what cool songs to put on your cool playlist.