Choosing Career Over Kids: Are Women Doing it on Purpose?

We've heard a lot in the media about Generation X women--those who, like me, were born between 1965 and 1978-- "opting out," or choosing motherhood over career. What about those who choose career over motherhood?

A recent study conducted by the Center for Work-Life Policy, the New York think tank headed by economist Sylvia Ann Hewlett, has found that almost half, or 43 percent, of Generation X women are childless.

This is despite the fact that about three-quarters of them are in long-term relationships and living with their partners.

According to lead author Lauren Leader-Chivee, the women surveyed, who ranged in age between 33 and 46 years old, were born during the height of the feminist movement. They were raised to think of motherhood as an obstacle to having a successful career. So they've put off having children -- or avoided it entirely.

Leader-Chivee studied 3,000 female and male college graduates in the U.S. and also looked at their counterparts in Britain. "We have found very similar trends in both countries," she said.
Though some of the women did not want to have children, the vast majority did not actually choose to be childless. When asked to recall their intentions at the time they were finishing college, only 14% of the women said that having kids was never part of their life plan. Most wanted to be moms but couldn't see a way to balance work and motherhood. Others were afraid that once they got pregnant, their jobs would be adversely affected.

Of the women surveyed, 19 percent said they earn more than their husbands or partners, and 74 percent characterized themselves as "ambitious."

Deborah Fryer, a 44-year-old documentary filmmaker, has followed a path similar to the women surveyed and agrees with the findings:

"I had always believed that I would fall in love in my twenties, have children in my thirties, and be a tenured professor in my forties. But that plan was simply naïve and romantic, and, as it turned out, the three fates--serendipity, chemistry and biology--had something completely different in store for me. I met my husband shortly after my forty-second birthday. By then, the window of my fertility was coming to a close, along with my desire to have a child. Now, I am ready (to have a child)-- we are ready-- but my body is no longer so eager."

Ms. Fryer counts herself as one of the unintentionally childless. "I was never in the right position with the right person at the right time. In my thirties, I dated a lot, but my true love was my new career as a documentary filmmaker, which took me all over the world."

Her experience echoes the path that many single, high-achieving women today are taking. Because they are able to support themselves financially, their energies are going into their careers, not into their search for a husband. As a result, they can be choosier when it comes to picking a mate, and they are tending to marry later.

Majka Burhardt, a professional climber and mountain guide, admits that her job, which includes climbing, traveling and taking risks, is not conducive to raising children. She is open about her ambivalence towards becoming a mother:

"Like all young women who grew up in the 70s and 80s, I was told that I could accomplish anything I wanted. I went into adulthood never questioning how living my dreams would intersect my plans for motherhood. I told myself I would have children if the constellations in my life were right. I know the coordinates I need to link--climbing, mobility, writing, adventure, love, communication, and a partner to share my life with. Maybe I will find them together. Maybe I won't."

At 34, Ms. Burhardt still has time to make a decision about motherhood. Yet many women hold onto the false hope that advances in reproductive science will allow them to put off having children long past their natural childbearing years. In reality, Mother Nature is not so kind. Women have only a finite period of time in which to get pregnant and give birth, and these years typically coincide with the time during which they are attempting to launch and establish their careers.

According to Sylvia Ann Hewett, new reproductive technologies have not solved fertility problems for older women:

"Only 3% to 5% of women who attempt in vitro fertilization in their 40s actually succeed in bearing a child. Too many career women put their private lives on the back burner, assuming that the children will eventually happen for them courtesy of high-tech reproduction- only to discover disappointment and failure."

Biology may be unforgiving, but so is corporate culture: women who voluntarily leave their career to raise children often find that the way back in is extremely difficult. Many feel forced out by inflexible bosses and inflexible work schedules that don't allow them time to raise their children.

For women on the fast track, childlessness may seem like the best option.

There is hope on the horizon. Organizations like the Center for Work-Life Policy are calling for changes in workplace policy so that employees have better options for integrating work and family life. Corporations are committing millions to sophisticated work-life programs, because in an economy driven by talent, the programs are effective recruitment tools. Childcare goes to the root of this whole debate - we can have all the economic stimuli packages for families you like, but unless there's the infrastructure and sufficient childcare in place, we may as well be whistling in the wind.

Another cause for optimism? The 76 million members of the Millenial generation--also called Generation Y-- are just beginning to have children and seem to have a very different outlook on career and family. For this group, which ranges in age between 20 and 34 years old, work-life balance is not just a "women's issue," nor are parenthood and career mutually exclusive goals. The Millenials are forcing companies to think more creatively about work-life balance, demanding benefits like telecommuting, flexible work hours and travel "sabbaticals," as a part of the job.

In addition, Generation Y may be the first to break with the traditional gender roles of man=provider, women=caregiver. We're living in a day and age where men want a more hands-on role in raising their children. The clear-cut gender roles of the past--the woman at home, the man at work--are becoming more and more murky.

Says 32-year old Anna Levy-Warren, an organizational consultant and mother of a 2-year-old:

"My generation cares less about who earns more or which partner stays home with the kids. Both my husband and I are actively involved with parenting. We both work, and we both want a family life."

Samantha Parent Walravens is the editor of the new anthology, TORN: True Stories of Kids, Career & the Conflict of Modern Motherhood.

 

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