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Kate Middleton, Have Some Pride

05/04/2015 01:40 pm ET | Updated May 03, 2016

Dear Kate Middleton,

You know, I think you're letting the whole princess thing go to your head. I saw pictures of you with your newborn daughter, and you are really letting yourself go. I hope that you take this letter to heart, because someone really needs to be honest with you, and it's not going to be the adoring international media.

First of all, I noticed that you probably are a good five pounds heavier now than at your wedding. You are in the public eye here. Between the 10-pound baby, the placenta, breastfeeding (colostrum counts) and all the calories expended during the delivery, I expected you to show up at least 2-3 pounds lighter than pre-baby. Was it too many petit fours or caviar during the last trimester? Yeesh.

Next, your choice of clothes was a bit dowdy. Personally, I rocked the "maternity tank and maternity sweatshorts" look after delivery, which exposed my (pleasantly) plump arms and legs. You, however, are all covered up. Are you Amish? Don't you think the Prince wants to still see you as a vibrant, sexy creature? Ten hours after the birth, this man deserves to see some skin.

Lastly, in the extreme closeup of your jewel-encrusted hand, I don't even see any nail polish! What good are the hot rollers and makeup if you don't pay attention to details like this? Aren't there people on your payroll who can manicure you during labor if you egregiously forget to go to the salon prior to the birth? The whole world is watching you here. We don't get US Weekly to see an ungroomed paw cradling the royal baby.

I will cut you a bit of slack because this was your first public appearance, and your second baby. But don't keep this up. All of us in maternity clothes at our baby's second birthday party are judging you. After all, we need something to do, and re-upping our gym membership is just not an option right now. It would conflict with naptime. And eating.

Yours,
The plebeian moms

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