Emily Post, the maven of early twentieth-century propriety, was full of surprises--the most surprising of all being that she wasn't stuffy in the slightest. I discovered this last year as I was looking to include some historical letters in my book on letter writing. I wanted to end each chapter with a meaningful missive from the past that exemplified each section's genre--e.g. the love-letter section ends with a letter by John Keats to his beloved Fanny, the angry-letter section ends with a letter by Edgar Allan Poe to his foster father John Allan, the erotic-letter section ends with a sample of James Joyce's dirty letters (didn't know he had them did you?) to his lovely Nora. When I got to the part about thank you notes, Emily Post was the first (and only) name that came to mind.
Fortunately, I didn't have to hunt down a copy of her original Etiquette book, published in 1922 as Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics, and at Home, as it appears in its entirety on www.Bartleby.com. I was skimming through it at work one day (shhhhhhh!), and what I expected to be a rigorous manual written in King James English was actually more of a mission statement complete with good ideas and light humor. Emily viewed manners as a means for everyone to live their lives to the fullest. It's less about how and when to bow and curtsey (though she'll gladly tell you about all that), and more about how we treat each other. If we're all minding our manners at the grocery store, at the gym, at the office, and when we're stuck in traffic then we're making everyone's day (including our own) a little easier as we avoid unnecessary conflict.
Now, I'm a little ashamed to say that despite knowing what I know about Emily, I was still apprehensive about meeting her great-great-granddaughter Anna. I attended The West Virginia Book Faire, and, after being picked up from the train station, the driver informed me that we had to go to the airport to pick up two more writers--both named Anna. The first to arrive was Anna David (author of Party Girl). Anna Number One and I were gabbing away about our travels, our books, and I told her that Anna Number Two was the great-granddaughter (I accidentally left out a "great") of Emily Post. She asked, "Do we have to act all prim and proper?" "I'm not sure," I replied nervously. The answer came seventy-six minutes later (Miss Post's plane was late), and the answer was a resounding, "Just be yourself."
As I was to discover in the car ride, and through the rest of the weekend, Anna and I have a lot in common. We're both twenty-eight, we're first time authors, we share a publisher and a liking for BLT's (though she prefers hers on wheat). At a seminar she hosted on her book Emily Post's Wedding Parties: Smart Ideas for Stylish Parties.
Her first order of business was to reiterate her Emily's maxim. She started by saying, "Etiquette is less about which fork you use and more about how you relate to others. Whenever you have two people interacting with each other, you have etiquette." She then went on to talk about the reality of weddings (as opposed to fork placement) and how tension's can run high and people are ripe to take things very personally--following up with great suggestions on how to approach and iron out those potentially awkward scenarios. I was pleasantly surprised once again, though this time I had no excuse, that etiquette experts are still professing that mindfulness, rather than rules and regulations, equals manners. Well, you know what they say: like great-great-grandmother like great-great-granddaughter.
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This was such an enjoyable column. It is perhaps not as surprising as we might have thought to know that Anna would say, "Just be yourself."
I also thoroughly enjoy your writing style - the writing style of one educated in the love of letters and the art of letters - and letter writing and of the love of literature.