Bottoms Up for the Economy

05/20/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

A few weeks ago we were Googling for pirates. This week it's teabagging.

But the real word du jour is bottom. Bottoms are in.

When the newspapers report about the economy these days it's starting to feel a little gay said a friend. He's right. The Men Seeking Men section of Craigslist has snuck into the headlines and we haven't even realized it.

Except on Craigslist tops are seeking bottoms, bottoms are seeking tops, vstl tops seeking both.

In this economy everyone is anxiously looking for the bottom. The bottom is top dog, the one everyone is chasing. The bottom is Mr. Right.

Could this really be the bottom? asks The Naperville Sun.

It's as if you are the new kid in town and you enter a gay bar . And all eyes are on you. Could this be him?

Is this the Bottom? wonders KGO AM 810 in San Francisco.

The bottom? asks Francisco Martin on his blog MarketWatch.

Sam Zell, real estate legend, apparently thinks so. "Bottom is here," he says on

The question of course is when he does walk into the bar, how will we recognize the bottom. The Motley Fool is listing signs of a bottom. Apparently it has nothing to do with strategically placed handkerchiefs anymore. Even the Wall Street Journal is trying out its gaydar to make sure it doesn't miss the Bottom. They have helpful hints about Signs of a Bottom though they caution "the market remains hard."

Others think they have found the elusive bottom. JP Morgan, Barclays Capital and PNC Financial have his number and have all been calling him. Three Banks Call A Bottom dishes Forbes. Talk about being in demand. Pros are even having a bidding war over a bottom says NBC. Pros bidding over a bottom? Hmmm.

But apparently your gaydar can fool you. There are false bottoms out there. Beware, says Francisco Martin in his blog MarketWatch. "Everybody is calling the bottom," he writes. "I hate to burst anybody's dreams and hopes but this is nothing else than a 'Bear Rally.'"

Gosh, a bear rally in search of a bottom. It boggles the mind. Could it get any gayer?

I think the leaders of The Resistance, the Christian media watchdog group which wants Anderson Cooper fired for using the phrase "teabagging" on the air, had better wake up. It's much bigger, much more serious than tea bagging. This national search for the perfect bottom is a whole different ballgame. Is this the gay agenda seeking to infiltrate the economy?

I don't know.

All I know is that it sucks that this bottom is taking a really long time to come.