What does a 21 year old like myself know about networking? Who am I to give lessons on how to build relationships? I am yet to graduate college. I am still confused about my major of study. I do not make enough money to be considered "successful" in the most conventional sense. If you are a student, you might think that my notion of "adding net value to others for forging real relationships" is ridiculous. I would have thought the same way until I got to know better. How on earth are we going to add value to people like Marc Cuban or Taylor Swift or Tom Cruise? How are we going to "impress" Richard Branson or James Altucher for carving out a relationship with them? Well, you can't. You shouldn't even attempt at impressing them until you have founded over 400 companies or written over 2000 value-driven articles. You must be thinking to yourself why would you even consider to learn from a inexperienced, wannabe entrepreneur about how to go about building relationships when you could follow world's top networking gurus.
You are completely correct. I am not qualified enough to talk about these concepts that are traditionally considered complex. I am not interested in conventional networking. What I am interested in learning are the principles taught by highly intelligent and learned people like Adam Grant, Keith Ferrazzi, Dorie Clark, Jayson Gaignard and several others. But, you are dead wrong if you are looking to "impress" people for serving your personal agenda. The mindset is completely wrong if you want to reach out for charming others. As an ignorant millennial, I always wondered if this topic really has to be as complex as people make it out to be? Or is there any simple formula behind this whole fancy act of networking?
While growing up, I saw first-hand how my grandfather would spend three-fourths of his day serving others. It could be getting someone a job, referring a person to the best firm in town, connecting two people, checking in with people to see how he might be able to help them out and several other million things that he did for others. I thought my grandfather was wasting his time, energy and most importantly, his intelligence. Instead of working on his business and focusing on his wealth, he would obsessively assist others grow their businesses and live their lives more fruitfully.
He gave and gave and gave and gave............and gave......and guess what? He GOT. He got tons and tons of value and more importantly, earned a reputation of being a noble gentleman. He was in a position where he could make one phone call and start a business with huge capital investment. No questions asked. He could call his buddy up and start a national non-profit for a cause he deeply believed in. No questions asked. He could make hundreds of people attend an event at the last minute. No questions asked. Whenever I asked him why he did what he did, he almost always said "Invest in people more that you do in stocks or cars or real estate." I couldn't wrap my head around that advice for years. Why and how would anyone invest in something as abstract as relationships?
Years after his death, we still have people visit us just for letting our family know how my grandfather changed their lives. After my grandfather passed away, I slowly started to understand the importance of serving others since my dad was going down the same path. I knew I wanted to serve others. But, just like any other 15 years old kid, I did not know HOW. And due to lack of motivation, I did not focus on figuring out the HOW. One day, I selfishly reached out to someone very successful at a very young age for asking for his help to realize my dreams. I was foolish. I did not know better. I shouldn't have gotten a reply at all. Fortunately, he got back to me saying read these four books and get back to him after I have read them. One of them was "Never Eat Alone" by Keith Ferrazzi. I devoured it. I enjoyed it. I started implementing the lessons while reading the book. It blew my mind. I have watched almost every single video out there of Ferrazzi. I started figuring out the "HOW" that I couldn't when I was 15 years old. I started consuming everything I possibly could from books, podcasts to speeches and articles of reputed people in the world who have been doing what my grandfather did all his life.
After a copious amount of learning and experimentation (still learning and experimenting), I figured out my "HOW". My "HOW", as it turns out, is not some super demanding skill that you need to master. It is more of a harmless behavior that constitutes three traits that have nothing to do with your age, stature, skill-set or background. NOTHING AT ALL.
These traits are APPRECIATION, GENEROSITY and CURIOSITY. Being genuinely appreciative of other's work, generous with your time, knowledge and attention, and curious about others' lives, passions and goals, have served me well. Dorie Clark and Adam Grant have been extremely generous and helpful to me. Yes, I established a relationship (not networked) with them. I am proud of it. I am grateful for it. The same 21 year old is now getting a clearer grasp of "networking". I actually do not like that word anymore. I like "relationship-building" or "connecting for learning and adding value". I am quite sure if you are generous enough to devote your time in researching all the companies founded by Branson, and reach out to him with some ideas on what other ventures he could branch out to, he will appreciate it ( Hit me up if this works). Same goes for Taylor Swift and Tom Cruise. Add value to them. No one cares about who you are, how old you are and what skill-set you have as long as you are authentic in adding value, appreciating their work and being curious about how you could learn from them.
If you consciously start making an effort to be authentic every single day, you will start seeing results very soon. I know I did. For the past couple months, I reflect on my day before going to bed and think about how I have been appreciative, curious and generous throughout my day. If I cannot name a single instance, I have basically failed myself for that day. It's like a game for me now. It's fun. It's time-consuming but I like it.
Here is my progress -
- I have had the satisfaction of making a tiny difference in lives of over a hundred people easily.
- I have taken up an adventure of authoring a book that compiles stories of rising millennials that have embraced the three traits for doing wonders in their lives.
- I have expanded my design business.
- I am in the process of starting a new relationship-driven company called Millennial Exchanges where I just serve others. I am fortunate to have two clients without having even the website up. One is for a philanthropic cause and other is a paid gig.
- I have been offered a software engineering internship in San Francisco without even having any intent to apply. Its funny how I do not even want to become a software engineer.
- I got featured in Forbes without even asking for it.
- I became a blogger for The Huffington Post without having any intent to become a writer.
- I got featured in Inc about my philosophy on networking.
- I have found mentors and made several friends that are published authors, successful entrepreneurs, seasoned consultants and just cool people to get inspired from.
What's common in the above mentioned awesome things? I was genuine in my behavior characterized by appreciation, curiosity and generosity. Boils down to the hackneyed saying "Treat others the way you wanted to be treated", doesn't it?
I am saying all this not to brag (well, may be a little ). My goal is to try to inspire you. Lets face it, our generation might not listen to what our parents want us to do but we sure as hell get motivated to step up our games when we see our peers succeed at something. Who likes to lag behind? If someone who is struggling with his undergraduate major can accomplish a little, you surely can. After I became an informed millennial, I realized the concept of building meaningful relationships is not as complicated as most people make it out to be. It is simple. It is effective.
Don't know much about how traditional networking works. That sounds complex to me. For that, definitely seek out the right networking gurus.
All I know and need to know is -
Give, give, give and you shall get. A lot.
@sarthakgh