Barack Obama is Not My President

Barack Obama is not my president. Yes, I voted for him, and I'm as taken with his eloquence, determination and historic-ness as anyone. But it is too late in my life for me to claim him as my own.

We do not choose the presidents who are truly ours, who shape our lives and our psyches. They are chosen for us, when we are too young to vote, by our parents, our teachers, our bus drivers and the tellers at the bank. Just as our intellects are shaped in our youths, so too, our perspectives on the ruling class. Defining moments come early, holding inordinate sway over all that follows. Mine came in August of 1974, my first moment of political consciousness. I was six years old when Richard Nixon -- my president, the president chosen for me -- dissolved in a sniveling puddle on national television, disgraced. After him came Gerald Ford, who pardoned his predecessor.

It was a gloomy time and it formed in me a belief that our nation's leaders could not be trusted, ever. They were looking out for themselves and for each other. We, the people, came in last. It's a feeling I've never been able to shake, through Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton and the Bushes.

Now comes Barack Obama. If ever there was a moment to feel differently, that moment is now. But, much as I want to, I cannot.

I am white. I grew up on Chicago's South Side. I lived in a predominantly black neighborhood and attended an all-black elementary school. Every time I see a photo of Obama from his youth -- a beautiful, smiling boy, full of promise, energy and enthusiasm, I think of my classmates, especially the boys. I think of Kevin, Tommy and Tyrone. Though they were poor, that didn't matter. They were told they could do anything, be anything, and they believed it. "I am going to be somebody," they would say, as if nothing were more certain than that.

But no matter how strong the desire to get there, "somebody" turned out to be a vague destination, with no map, and no sense of how to find it. The obvious path, the only path for many, was a wayward way that led to nothing. Now these beautiful boys are dull-eyed men, struggling to make it from one day to the next. Tyrone has disappeared. Tommy is in and out of prison. Kevin is dead.

On this historic day, when all sense tells me I should be rejoicing, instead I am mourning the loss of these boys' dreams. I'm thinking how little this presidency will mean to them, for their fates were set long ago. The man who moves into the White House in January is no more their president than he is mine.

On Tuesday night my six-year-old son had his first moment of political consciousness, as he watched Barack Obama make his victory speech on national television before a crowd of thousands in Chicago's Grant Park. On Wednesday morning when he woke up, he gazed at the photo of Barack Obama on the front page of the newspaper and let out a cheer. He then took my discarded "I voted" sticker and proudly affixed it to his shirt. Barack Obama is his president. It does not take away my sadness, but it is a start.

Sara Catania teaches journalism at USC is at work on a memoir about growing up on Chicago's South Side.

Read more reaction from HuffPost bloggers to Barack Obama's victory in the 2008 presidential election

Comments

[tinarfh]

Sarah,
Correcting a misconception you have regarding how our systems works may help you get over your Obama trust issues " there is no ruling class. Certainly you have been taught that there is a class system in place " you"ve learned that in college " its Progressive rhetoric, the 1st Estate, 2nd Estate and so on " what one must keep in mind is that these politician"s are merely "hired" by "we the people" " political machines (which have devolved into two parties) are run on the money "we the people" choose give them to support a political ideology, hoping that we have chosen the right ticket " it is a giant corporation run by temps " granted temps with power, but only power that has been bestowed by "we the people". Conservatives (as I am one of those, a conservative feminist who understands this is the way of it, and as such, must get behind the President, like any other President and hope that decisions are made that don"t" make the situation any worse, than say, Bush, (who has made plenty of mistakes) "

[Sara Catania - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi Tina,
You are right, of course, that we are the ones who put our elected leaders into office. And the notion of the temporary politician is certainly revered, though even the Roman myth of model temp Lucius Quinctius Cinncinnatus -- a humble farmer who, lore has it, ruled only as long as his services were needed in a time of crisis and then returned to his land -- doesn't hold up to scholarly scrutiny.
Cinncinnatus link here: http://www.leadershipnow.com/cincinnatus.html

[Sara Catania - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear Tina,

Of course you are correct that we are responsible for the leaders we elect. And the notion of the temporary ruler is one that we revere, no more so that in the Roman myth of Lucius Quinctius Cinncinnatus, a farmer who, lore has it, ruled only long enough to aid his country through crisis, and then returned to the fields. Unfortunately the story doesn't hold up to scholarly scrutiny. Cinncinnatus, it seems was as power-hungry as the next guy. http://www.leadershipnow.com/cincinnatus.html

[carrieanna]

I think that is one of the biggest influences for Generation X. I grew up hearing adults speak negatively about presidents...basically having no faith in their crooked ways. Reagan had already left office in embarassment over Iran Contra when I became aware of the outside world. So I missed out on the hopeful early part of his administration. Then Bush got caught up in his "no new taxes" mess.

When I was finally able to vote in the 90s, I could never get on the Change platform that Clinton was selling and saw his presidency devolve into a mire of lawsuits and trials, amazed that legislators thought focusing on that was more important than running the country. I had given up by the 21st century.

But I feel belief and hope creeping in now. And it's a weird feeling to have finally voted for the winning candidate. I think the change for me is that Obama really speaks to people. He is a leader in that sense of the word. So even if/when fiascos arise, I have belief tha Obama will lead us...not hide out from the American public.