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Sara Whitman

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The F-Word

Posted: 12/04/07 10:14 PM ET

Details magazine just came out today with their annual Power 50, a list of not only powerful individuals but also powerful trends in the United States.

I found it interesting that in the top 10, number 9 to be precise, was the F-word. Not my favorite f-word that is always coming out of my mouth at the most inappropriate times, but the word "faggot."

I hate the word faggot. I also hate lezzy. But I hate the word faggot. In June, I sat and watch a privileged, straight, middle-aged white man call a gay man a "faggot" and think it was funny.

He thought, because he was his "friend" he could call him a faggot. The truth is, it was as ugly as calling a black man a nigger. Except when I registered my horror, I was told to sit down and be quiet. It wasn't meant to be hurtful.

Just playing.

The same man, I know, uses the word nigger, only in private moments. He's careful to choose his company with that word because there is global horror around it. Faggot? Never occurred to him to keep that one in.

There are only few words that I have told my kids are absolutely forbidden in this house. Saying a swear word costs you a dollar, goes in a jar that gets donated to a social change organization (never charity). I have a mouth like a sailor, what do I expect? But if you say "nigger?" or "faggot" or "lezzy: in my house? Not only are you going to sit and listen to a very very long lecture about how those words help celebrate and rationalize hateful bigotry, you are going to listen to me explain how it felt to have "lezzy" scrawled in marker on my college dorm room door. How humiliating and frightening it was.

A friend of Jeanine's, who lives in Texas, reported that once when a man was trying to spit something angry at her called her a "faggot girl."

Clearly he didn't know the word "lezzy."

Details is right on in their list. Between Larry Craig's antics, and the long list of right wing nightmare politicians who also engaged in "Do me in the bathroom and I'll Do you on the Senate floor," screwing men for pleasure and then screwing them politically for votes, the word faggot got a lot of action this year.

The age-old taunt continues to haunt us, and not as a sign of power but as a weakness that brings powerful men to their knees.

So to speak.

The full list tackles more than the Time magazine "Man of Year" -- zzzzz -- stuff. It includes some painful reminders- #2- "The Surge (average age: 27): What do you call 20,000 soldiers sent off to fight a war that's long since been lost? George W. Bush calls it The Surge, conveying power, momentum, and impermanence."

And some ridiculous irony, like #7 Good Fathers: Kevin Federline and Larry Birkhead (ages: 29 and 34): Meet America's new parental role models. We all expected Federline and Birkhead to crash and burn as fathers. Instead, by being more visible presences in their children's lives than many Hollywood A-listers, they emerged as unlikely candidates for Dad of the Year."

The F-word has had a comeback. I'm not sure it's anything to celebrate.

 
 
 
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07:15 AM on 12/10/2007
So what can be said of this? Perhaps it was entertaining, perhaps it was too apparent that I wrote this at four o'clock in the morning. But perhaps it makes sense to you, and if it doesn't, think about the rhyme we were all taught as kids: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." This is not a justified cause. This isn't like enforcing seatbelts because some people get in car accidents; this is like banning swimming because some people get attacked by sharks.

Thanks for reading this.

P.S. Sorry for the multiple posts, but apparently I'm hoping this merits it's full length. And I wouldn't want to be taken out of context. :)
07:13 AM on 12/10/2007
The fact of the matter is our civil liberties are being impinged upon on a daily basis. We are in the process of a coup, and before this post is derailed into a tirade against our current occupiers-in-chief, I must say that the situation right now is one of overt political correctness. That very phrase has always stricken me as odd - "political correctness" - as though my personal politics factor into what is "correct" in any way.

The sacrifices in a truly successful coup are never overt, never large, but they are many. The people running this nation may be stupid, but they're not stupid enough to take all our liberties away at once. And before this becomes construed as me saying that the Illuminati-esque administration wants to take away the f-word (whichever f-word you like), let me say this: our ability to express ourselves as we see fit is our right, just as a fair trial is our right, and any of the other protected liberties in our constitution. So when we allow places like Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay to exist, we're sacrificing our birthrights. Similarly, if we surrender our ability to express ourselves as we see fit, we're willingly surrendering our first amendment. Think of it as a trial run, or a fluffer. We give that up, we'll give others up, too.
07:13 AM on 12/10/2007
I just became aware of the GLAAD ads when I was spending a sleepless night watching "Operation: Dreamland" on the Sundance Channel, after which an ad appeared. I was fumbling for my cigarettes when the ad started, but midway through the train of B-list celebrities extolling the virtues of acceptance and goodwill, I realized that these people were telling me to remove some of my favorite expletives from my verbal repertoire. Not just any curse words, mind you, but special ones reserved for particular occasions. Imagine a scarf, a rich crimson scarf that you wear only once a year. It looks fantastic on you, turns heads, makes the day. Now, because somebody else doesn't like that scarf, you're not allowed to wear it.

Well, fuck that.

As far as I'm concerned, words are our most sacred of refuges. The son of a writer, I've been taught the necessity of being able to express myself, and express myself well. I must express myself as eloquently as possible, given the circumstances, but there are occasions in which a certain red scarf is required.
10:22 PM on 12/06/2007
WORDS

Teach thus to the young or to any who would wish that life with others be of benefit to self and others.

Reason: Is there reason in what is brought in words or deed to others of whatever clime or persuasion? To reason is one of the tenants of thinking and aids in putting word to deed .

Logic: In a world of words, spoken and written, where is truth, that it may be seen if logic and reason enter not? For truth is and to hear words and words read will not of itself intelligence breed .

Civility: War is a loss of civility and is the most vile of human endeavors . history is a great tool for the knowing of what civility and war can accomplish.When looking at old civilizations do you see what is left standing or what used to be? Which is civility and which is war ?

Dissent : In the course of humanity's desire to taste the true meaning of freedom it has been shown and proven that reason , logic and civility cannot exist without the right of dissent .Ah ! The human heart and mind , as different as the sands by the sea . To know this is to go far .

Debate : Two ears and one mouth and yet they must be equal in debate and the arbiters must be reason, logic, civility and dissent and for all this to be, the mind must be engaged so that the words used may better self and others.

Math and science give you a living but these word will give you life .
Tony 4/4/06
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InofTouch
I Hate Hate, Is That A Problem ?
03:30 PM on 12/05/2007
And they say the internet bring the "best" out of people :rollseyes:
11:07 AM on 12/05/2007
I so agree with Zanti, who said that around this site, the F word is "Faith." I come here occasionally just to remind myself how completely upside down our values have become since political correctness became the law of the land.

So now, even "charity" is a dirty word? We must give to "social change organizations" instead? This must have something to do with the fact that "charity" is a biblical term.

Do you people HEAR yourselves?
03:28 AM on 12/05/2007
thanks i needed to hear the word nigger today.
Thanks for the dose, i will come back for your next blogg to get the next dose
03:24 AM on 12/05/2007
Around this site, the F-Word is "faith."
01:46 AM on 12/05/2007
Name calling in general is definitely a marker of intellectual vacuousness and fear.

Kind of like those drunken country hicks yahooing in the big city to hear their own voices bouncing off big buildings. It's supposed to keep the scary people away.
photo
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realitytrumpsbull
two 'alves of coconut!
12:15 AM on 12/05/2007
I say that I'd rather hear people say 'faggot'
'bitch','damn', 'ho', 'nigga', 'asshole', and
so forth, than have everyone do the P.C. tap-
dance to describe in faint praise the people
they don't like. It's kind of like this:
If you knew there was someone you weren't
friends with, and you kind of suspected that
they didn't like you, would you rather know,
or not? Now, in this age of enlightened
(enforced?) tolerance, it's not considered
'cool' to express your views anymore.

When we have to hide our feelings, amend our
language like we all stood to be under
review by Tipper Gore and Nielsenazis,
well, it just injects this level of
uncomfortable artifice into the daily dialogue.
If you're not prone to use words like the
above, then good for you, you've achieved
a level of maturity that some people will
never quite get to. However, for the potty-mouth
-inclined, I don't have an objection to it.

I do, however, think the whole thing could
be filed under 'loss of civility', and the
more competitive we get for money etc., the
less civility will be evident. If it all
goes downhill far enough, then you don't
have to worry about the pottymouth no more,
it's the bullets that'll be of great concern...
The saying,'keep a civil tongue in your head'
dates back a century or more, probably more,
and it has Great Bearing on the nature and
conduct of civil discourse. Hate speech and
agit-prop which are common in some venues only
serve one purpose: To pique the ire and
emotionally arouse people, which allows them
to be manipulated. Keep a level head, keep
a civil tongue, a hand on your wallet,
and your eyes peeled, ear to the ground, and
whatnot...
12:02 AM on 12/05/2007
I have no problem with gays/lesbians using or reclaiming any of the slurs that have been used against us, when speaking amongst ourselves. Queer, Dyke, Fag, Faggot, Faerie, Lez. Straight people haven't earned the right to use those words, just as I won't use racial slurs since I'm white.
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Pdubya
11:02 PM on 12/04/2007
I did put a faggot on the fire tonight though.

my kids don't swear. "shut up" is a criminal offense in my home.

the golden rule always applies.
photo
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Lisette
Paris is always a good idea!
10:39 PM on 12/04/2007
Dear Sara,

I agree with those 2 wordds.
My 2 words are douche bag and shut up.

Douche bag, because why does anyone need to hear that word, let alone say it.

Shut up is not allowed in our house. It is such a strong word to say to someone. It is like a slap in the face.

I enjoyed your post. Thanks.

Lisette