Ten years ago when the Incredible Instant Adoring Boyfriend DVDs were released by British-based company Lagoon Games, mainstream media dismissed the videos due to the fact that they are ridiculous and somewhat insulting, but mostly just stupid and sad.
The half-hour video involves a blonde British man who randomly begins stretching or lifting weights mid-sentence and won't stop telling the viewer how perfect and beautiful they are -- but usually he just sits on his ("your") couch reading OK! Magazine shirtless. (He also awkwardly attempts to use whipped cream for what appears to be the first time in his life at 2:25.) Instant Boyfriend's lines cater to the most over-exploited, shallow female stereotypes, and for the most part would make any woman want to vom -- like "Even when you drool, you're gorgeous."
While most major news sources considered these videos better suited for gag gifts at bachelorette parties than the subject of hard-hitting news stories about the evolution of dating, Fox News begged to differ.
Fox published a story entitled "The Perfect Man Exists -- On Video," in which it suggests the DVDs -- or VHS tapes for just $9.98 (there was also a CD-ROM version that included "compliment emails") -- might actually be the next "logical step for frustrated singles seeking love and coming up empty."
Despite DVD Boyfriends not being a viable replacement for an actual human-to-human relationship (at all), Fox was pretty excited about them (probably because nobody would need to pay for birth control). So excited, in fact, that they decided to engage Match.com's "vice president of romance" Trish McDermott on the topic.
McDermott, due to her possession of a brain, a decent amount of self-respect, and the knowledge of what an actual romantic relationship is, disagreed with Fox's prediction, saying the appeal of the "Instant Boyfriend" would only go so far... because he only exists in digital form.
But still, Lagoon Creative Manager Jonathan Lim insisted to Fox News that the DVDs are excellent "company" for single people. "Someone says all these nice things to you," Lim said, "and it's going to make you feel better."
Or lonelier. Or strange for dating someone who has to be plugged in.
Despite the Lagoon sales rep claiming individuals were purchasing 18 per week and then wanting more (how many single friends could you possibly have?), the "Instant Boyfriend" doesn't seem to have taken off. (Although, it's maybe a possibility in Japan.)
Far more disturbing than any of this was the sexist, if not completely horrifying, comment Lim made when explaining why an "Incredible Instant Adoring Girlfriend" wasn't in the works anytime soon: "That could be controversial," he tells Fox, "since she'd probably be a girl in her underwear with tape over her mouth handing you a beer."
A "girl"? Tape over her mouth? There are so many things wrong with that statement my ovaries could explode.
Shockingly, Fox decided not to call Lim out on his blatant sexism at the time, and instead chose to highlight his product as a "quirky new video" that provides a potentially "better" scenario that an actual, imperfect human relationship.
Once again, Fox, you are a regular Nostradamus. Every woman knows nowadays that if she has a hard time on OKCupid or Tinder, she can always consider spending the night with a DVD created by a sexist asshole.
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