THE BLOG

5 Steps to Sexy Dancing for Valentine's Day

02/12/2015 10:10 am ET | Updated Apr 14, 2015

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Photo taken by Cheryl Gorski

You know what pisses me off?

All these "sexy dance classes" for women.

From what I've heard, you sign up. Maybe you're served chocolate covered strawberries and champagne. Then, you're taught a "sexy" dance routine by a professional dancer. And in an hour or two, it's over and you maybe leave feeling like, "That was fun (hahaha, sexy dance class)."

Have you been to one of these classes?

I haven't, to be honest. From what I can see, though, is that women want to learn how to dance "sexy" and my question is: Why? And more importantly: How?

How will you learn to dance sexy? And, what is sexy dancing to you anyways?

So this February, I decided to host my own Sexy Dance Class for Women called V-Day Bliss. It was geared at women who want to feel sexy in their bodies again and maybe share this sexiness in a dance for their significant partner for Valentine's Day.

Before I left to teach the class this past weekend, a friend, who had shared about her recent "sexy dance class" experience, showed me the video of the teacher dancing the routine she'd taught in their class. It was a lengthy routine, taught in 1 hour. I watched as the professional dancer strut her stuff in 6 inch stilettos, moving gracefully in smooth, curvaceous ways across the smooth, hardwood dance floor.

The routine was sexy.

What struck me, though, was first: that was a long routine, taught in one hour, by a professional dancer. Hmph! Did the women have enough time to learn the routine, let alone embody it? How quickly did they move through the movements and steps of the routine? Ultimately, what was the impact of the class on the women who attended? Did they walk away feeling "sexier," bolder in their sexy dancing skills? Or did they leave feeling flustered and defeated thinking "I can't do this," "I'm not good enough," "I could never do that for someone special?"

I don't know, but I'm curious.

Secondly, as I watched the teacher perform the routine, she seemed mostly devoid of embodying the energy of the dance in her own body. All the moves were executed with clarity and precision, though, for the most part, it lacked any feeling of embodiment from the dance instructor: her being in her body and feeling connected to the movements she was dancing.

This concerned me about the message we, as dancers, are sending to the world about what sexy dancing is, and could be, and ultimately sparked the interest in me to write this article.

Is sexy dancing a set of movements that we put together for students to learn that maybe we'd see a stripper or burlesque dancer do? Or is sexy dancing much more than moving in a "sexual" or "sexy" way while dancing?

Sexy Dance Class

When I first came up with my own idea for a sexy dance class, initially it was for women who want to do a sexy V-Day dance for their sweeties. But, then I thought, this isn't what I really teach so how about I support these women to get into their own bodies and feel good and confident within themselves, so whether they want to dance sexy for someone else or just feel great in their body's, they can!

I have to say, what happened at The Sexy Dance Class I taught transcended "sexy dancing." It became a class about women's empowerment, feeling safe and pleasurable touching our own bodies while we danced and moved, creating a beautiful and delicious body-mind connection by connecting the breath to our body's movements, and safe place to talk openly about sex, sexuality and more. It was powerful and I thank the women who were brave enough to show up!

So below, I've outlined 5 steps that I take to get connected to my own self and body so that I can dance in a sexy and sensual way and feel embodied and awesome while doing it.

5 Steps to Prepare Yourself for Dancing Sexy This Valentine's Day

Step 1: Breath

Notice the breath, breathing in through the nose and out through the nose or the mouth.

Stand with your feet planted squarely on the floor, hips width apart. Watch your breath as you begin to feel more connected to yourself, your body, and your heart.

Step 2: Self-Connection

Yes, yes, and more yes!

Put your hands on your body in a loving and feel good way. I usually put one hand over my heart and one hand over my womb/lower abdomen. As you continue to breath and watch the breath come in and out of your body, feel the connection of your own self touching yourself. It's beautiful and delicious and and this self-connection can feel loving, sexual, and/or just plain good.

Step 3: Self-love

As you feel your own hands on your body, feel the sense of love you have for yourself. You can begin to make slow, gentle circles with your hands on your belly with your lower hand and you can begin to make little circles around the space of your heart and sternum, also known as the breast bone, massaging this beautiful area of the body. Continue to breath in and out and bring your attention to how you feel in your body.

If you want to give thanks for yourself or your body, you can do this now. How does this increase the connection you feel within yourself and with your body?

Step 4: Body Centered Awareness

Body Centered Awareness is the main tool I use in my work as a yoga instructor, life coach, and dance instructor. I believe we are the most powerful and empowered when we are living inside of our body's and connect to our body's.

Use this tool to bring your awareness to the sensations of your body, which can bring you immediately centered inside of your body, so that you can receive the gifts, wisdom, and guidance these sensations have for you. It's as if the sensations of your body are speaking to you. I'm going to notice mine now. I feel a tightness and fatigue in my upper back between my shoulders. When I tune into it and feel it, is speaks to me and says: "Rest. Take a rest and let it come through you." Ah, that relieves some of this feeling!

Step 5: Embodiment

As you begin to move subtly, consciously breathing in and out of the body connected your movements, noticing the sensations of the body, move in whatever way feels good to you and your body.

Having trouble feeling good? See what happens when you just open up the feeling good door a little bit. How much pleasure can you allow yourself to feel right now through these exercises?

Continue to breath into the movements and your body consciously as you move. You may even let out some audible exhales, like "Ahhh," or "Mmmm," or moan as you feel the goodness of the movements in your body connected to the breath.

Start to move your hands and arms, maybe with some loving, self-touch in the middle. How do you feel now?

Every time you start to think about what someone else might think or will he/she like it, how does it feel to bring yourself back to noticing your breath, breathing in and out of the movements of the body, and moving in whatever ways feel good to you?

How will you take this further?

You don't have to be dancing for anyone this Valentine's Day, though, I wonder:

How will these 5 Steps to Dancing Sexy support you this Valentine's Day and beyond?

How can you apply one of these tools while walking to your car, working in the office, at home with your family, friends, roommates?

And which tool will you focus on for the next three weeks?

Share below in the comments section. I want to hear from you!

Love, Embodiment, and Bliss this Valentine's Day and more.

Your Sensual Dancing Diva,

Sarah Haykel
SarahHaykel.com