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Sarah Maizes



Posted: 05/12/11 08:19 AM ET

Short people can be so demanding.

I'm not talking about when you work in Hollywood. I'm talking about Motherhood. And somewhere between the endless diaper changes, hours of driving carpool and constant demands for snacks, you can't help but wonder, "Where the heck am I?" and "How the hell did I get here?"

You used to be a chic, vibrant, rational woman able to complete a single thought without having to stop and say "I told you to go before we left!" Motherhood has sapped you of your energy, your joie de vive, and - much to your partner's chagrin - your will to shower. You wonder, what happened to that woman? Maybe I'll look her up on Facebook.

Well, the good news is she still there. That sexy, happy, sane woman you adored. She's your inner MILF! And there is no better time than today to seek her out and throw her a lifeline.

Tips for Maintaining Maximum Milfiness:

Layer up.
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Why? Peas happen. As does juice, butternut squash, and finger paint. It's unavoidable when you're a mom. You're target practice. Wearing layers allows you to strip off the desecrated layer and reveal a fresh canvas to your children, ready for splattering.
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Follow Sarah Maizes on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@milfpundit