How To Be A MILF (PHOTOS)

Short people can be so demanding.

I'm not talking about when you work in Hollywood. I'm talking about Motherhood. And somewhere between the endless diaper changes, hours of driving carpool and constant demands for snacks, you can't help but wonder, "Where the heck am I?" and "How the hell did I get here?"

You used to be a chic, vibrant, rational woman able to complete a single thought without having to stop and say "I told you to go before we left!" Motherhood has sapped you of your energy, your joie de vive, and - much to your partner's chagrin - your will to shower. You wonder, what happened to that woman? Maybe I'll look her up on Facebook.

Well, the good news is she still there. That sexy, happy, sane woman you adored. She's your inner MILF! And there is no better time than today to seek her out and throw her a lifeline.

Tips for Maintaining Maximum Milfiness:

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Layer up.

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Why? Peas happen. As does juice, butternut squash, and finger paint. It's unavoidable when you're a mom. You're target practice. Wearing layers allows you to strip off the desecrated layer and reveal a fresh canvas to your children, ready for splattering.

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Why? Peas happen. As does juice, butternut squash, and finger paint. It's unavoidable when you're a mom. You're target practice. Wearing layers allows you to strip off the desecrated layer and reveal a fresh canvas to your children, ready for splattering.

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Total comments: 8 | Post a Comment

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This MILF Tip

Rank #2  |  Average: 4

Still don't feel like a MILF... I feel more MILF-like already!

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Comments

[optimiskeptic]

07:47 PM on 05/19/2011

If I lived in that nearly windowless, monotonously beige house I'd need to get out alot too, kid or no--

[noaxe397]

01:54 PM on 05/15/2011

Staying fit and fashionable goes a long way towards "milfness" too.

[emncaity]

09:41 AM on 05/25/2011

You said it. Goes both ways--I'm not singling out one gender here--but it's amazing how many people just plain give up, esp. after the kids are had.

[JannielB]

10:46 AM on 05/15/2011

Yeah, embrace the insulting, denigrating, and trashy, all in the name of ...what?

[Jayjaybe]

08:02 PM on 05/15/2011

If you need to ask...

[joeaverager]

10:07 AM on 05/15/2011

What is wrong with a good minivan? It does an important job well - hauling a family. Buy something used, small and convertible for the weekends like a Miata or a VW Cabrio or VW Beetle. I find we can drive the Cabrio almost all the time saving our SUV for the "BIG" shopping trips which involve a trailer and the hardware store. A Cabrio's trunk is plenty big for plenty of groceries. It's got a backseat for the kids too. I drive it alot and I'm "Dad". The other guys wrinkle their noses about it sometimes but like I care what anybody else thinks of our stuff. It's also paid for years ago and gets 32 mpg. At least I'm not complaining about what it costs to fill-up a freight-train sized 4WD crewcab diesel truck.

I drove a Sienna for a week a couple years ago. Nice van. Really well designed. Nicer than a cheaper brand of minivans I drove a couple of weeks later.

[dennis1943]

08:42 AM on 05/15/2011

Humor about a subject i find distressing...............the subject,not the humor.............

[Melissa Amster]

04:19 PM on 05/12/2011

I love this article and all the tips. I get told by my kids to stop singing. Oops! :) I blog about things pertaining to who I am as a woman. I also have Chick Lit Central (chicklitcentraltheblog.blogspot.com), which is growing and flourishing. :)