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Sarah Schmelling

Sarah Schmelling

Posted: August 6, 2009 05:00 PM

Facebook Holdouts: Just Try It. I Swear It's Not Addictive


I can count on one hand my friends who aren't on Facebook. They're very easy to remember because they're the people I've communicated with least over the last year. While I know, in great detail, the length of time a distant high school friend has waited for her new refrigerator to be delivered, the doings of these non-Facebook people, these holdouts, over the past few months remain a complete mystery to me.

When I see them, or receive the odd email (email!) message from them, and I revive my campaign to get them to join, I feel like a pusher. Come on, we're all doing it! But really, they're getting kind of annoying. On Facebook, I can communicate with everyone else in my life -- for better or worse -- so quickly. If I have a big announcement: Job! or New house! or Song lyrics I can't get out of my head! I can, just once, at the same moment, tell everyone about it...but them. Isn't it a type of rebellion, or just kind of quirky at this point, to not be on a social network? Like not having a phone or an electric can opener? Or refusing to install a toilet because you've got a perfectly good outhouse, and why risk having plumbing indoors?

Okay, that's a rather large exaggeration. I know there are good reasons to stay away. There are possible privacy risks (though no one is forcing you to post the photo of yourself doing that). There's the "I'm too old for this crap" excuse, but I dare you to tell that to my mother and mother-in-law who might right now be discussing my son's new love of dogs on their Walls. Then we have the quite legitimate It's a Giant Time-Suck reasoning. Like that old quip about working too hard, no one on his deathbed is going to say, "I really wish I spent more time taking quizzes about '80s sitcoms on Facebook." And there are the sudden withdrawal symptoms one must suffer when the site gets attacked and flips out, as it did today.

Of course the biggest reason is the security risks -- worms, viruses, or sheer stupidity, like releasing personal details about your husband, the new super-secret head of Britain's MI6. And this is a bigger problem for larger, more sensitive networks. The Marine Corps acknowledged this much with the announcement this week that it would ban the use of its network for accessing sites like MySpace, Twitter and Facebook, though Marines can apply for waivers and still use the sites on personal computers. And the Pentagon is reviewing the good and the bad about social networking in order to issue a policy by the end of next month.

But that's the thing, my holdout friends, they're reviewing it. Even the military is weighing the security risks with the benefits of taking part in these major forms of communication. And plenty of top officials have already joined in. Maybe it's time to rethink your policy too? I miss you.

And it's not like I'm asking you to join Twitter.

Follow Sarah Schmelling on Twitter: www.twitter.com/sschmelling

 
 
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Sarah Schmelling
10:48 AM on 08/08/2009
I really appreciate your comments. I should explain that the reason I want these friends to join Facebook is not so we can all share too much information, but because it has become such a mainstream form of communication. As Farhad Manjoo wrote so nicely a while back in Slate, http://bit.ly/2AwaSe, "the site has crossed a threshold—it is now so widely trafficked that it's fast becoming a routine aide to social interaction, like e-mail..." And of course I still communicate with these friends via email and phone. But just as an example, an old college friend on Facebook the other day posted photos of her kids--she would never bother at this point to gather dozens of email addresses and send those photos via email to all of her friends. In a few seconds on FB she's shared them with all of us. And I get to see my nieces, who live thousands of miles away, this way all the time. It's also become a de facto method of communication for many people professionally. Again, I do respect people's reasons for staying away. My tongue was firmly in cheek when I wrote "just try it, I swear..." But I do think it may be time to rethink those reasons.
05:20 PM on 08/07/2009
Facebook encourages narcissism. If you feel the need to put your life on a web page and assume others are interested in reading about you, what does that say about what you think of yourself?
12:44 PM on 08/07/2009
I'm just not certain the details of my life are such a great concern for others. I'm a TMI kind of guy - I change the channel when someone exposes their personal sins to Oprah or Dr. Phil because it just seems like none of my business. I'm sorry for your grief/loss/regret but I REALLY don't have a need to watch you weep and self-castigate. It's the same for any reality show which allows me to lampoon the overweight/untalented/Biggest Loser/Worst Idol among us. We've become a nation of voyeurs and name callers. I'll forgo the voyeuristic and hypnotic appeal of social networking and continue the search for release from banality. Call me crazy but I'd rather not have the sum total of my life be my Facebook page.
11:29 AM on 08/07/2009
"I can count on one hand my friends who aren't on Facebook. They're very easy to remember because they're the people I've communicated with least over the last year."

And whose fault is that? You seem to blame them for not jumping on the Facebook bandwagon. Why can't you make the effort to communicate with them via their preferred method? My parents don't like using email. So I make the effort to call them instead cause that's their preferred method of communication. Maybe you should try being a better friend to these people instead of expecting them to accommodate you.
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luvangelHussein330
11:08 AM on 08/07/2009
HAHAHA!!
Very clever. I must admit for the longest time I was a hold out, but this past march I finaly sucumed to the facebook beast.
My resoning for joining so late was becuse I didn't think I would have much to talk about. there was and ins't anything going on in my life that is exciting enough for me to post. But my sister joined and I figured I'd try it out for a month. Whelp I'm still there. I've reconnected with old friends and stay in touch with family. I still don't post anythingrelated to myself personaly. I mostly go sign in for the games (Mafia Wars kicks butt ),and to post news articles.
10:44 AM on 08/07/2009
Facebook and MySpace are just data mining sites for the corporates that own them... Why the he11 would I sign on for that?
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SherryIndianapolis
Justice
09:38 PM on 08/06/2009
Really, no thank you.
08:03 PM on 08/06/2009
Oh god no! I hate to tell you this dear Sarah, but the people on Facebook who talk about it as if it's the modern equivalency of the cell phone or the computer itself are the ANNOYING ONES. Maybe your friends who are holding out are doing so because they don't give a fig about what kind of cheese you had on your sandwich today. I'm not saying that FB doesn't have it's good points. It does, such as picture sharing, but OMG, those insufferable updates and the superficiality in the comments are from hell!. See, I know of where I speak because I'm one of those people who caved to the pressure and got on Facebook. I have since deactivated my page and feel fortunate to have escaped that evil vortex of inanity and phony-ness.

Hats off to the hold outs! Whatever you do don't give into this cult! You will hate yourself in the morning.