How To Enjoy Your Haggis

03/27/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

A twenty-one year old ban against importing haggis to the United States will soon be lifted. In preparation for this, here are some tips on how to enjoy your haggis.

Run, don't walk, to your local Scottish restaurant. There's usually one on every corner, next to a Starbucks. You want to beat the crowds and it's nice to get a little exercise in before a big, delicious meal.

Listen to Scotland's second national treasure (after haggis), singing phenom Susan Boyle, as you eat your haggis. I assume the Scottish restaurant will be playing her album anyway, but you can never be too careful. They might be playing a Billy Connolly record or something, which is fine, but not what you want. In any case, you should bring your own listening device.

Witnessing the preparation of any meal enhances the experience, but more so with haggis. Ask the chef if you can watch them make the mixture of sheep's heart, liver, lungs, oatmeal and various spices. But the best part is staring at it as it boils in an animal stomach for three hours. You'll be visited by visions of Robert Burns and Mel Gibson. Just don't be tempted to dip in there before it's done. Patience is key!

Take seven shots of whiskey before eating your meal, and seven more as you're eating it.

Do this for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday for the rest of your life!