John Mayer's Engagement Plans

02/27/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

As Star has reported John plans to propose on Feb. 11 -- Jen's 40th birthday. When John's friend asked if his girl will be wearing the ring, John laughed and replied, "There will be a big story coming out of the Oscars that night -- and it won't be about the winners."

Be forewarned, celebrities. John's not being coy about a possible engagement to Jennifer Aniston. He actually said the above quote to me. We were partying in the VIP section of Marquee with the Pussycat Dolls and Rumer Willis. John was smoking a cigar and nursing a glass of brandy. An ascot was tied around his neck and he seemed to pay no mind to the gorgeous women that flocked around him. In a hushed tone as he rubbed his hands fanatically together he told me, "There will be a big story coming out of the Oscars that night-and it won't be about the winners. Because there will be no winners. Only losers. The losers who I shall smite down with the power of mine mind, for I am John Mayer, Fire Starter." He then started to chuckle, which became more and more fanatical until I started to get seriously freaked out and Rumer was all like, "I'm out of here" and she left on her helicopter. John then threw something down and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. I haven't seen him since, though I've texted him like one hundred times. So please, celebrities, I urge you not to attend the Academy Awards. I tried to tell Star magazine this, but they truncated the quote to make it more palatable. We need our most important citizens not to die in a star-studded bloodbath of a firestorm created by John Mayer's mind. That would suck.