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Other People Banned From England

Posted: Updated:

Radio host Michael Savage was recently banned in England. He's not the only one...

  • People who touch the Queen before she's touched them. Just don't touch her, OK?
  • People who don't like tea! Or crumpets or scones or blood pie! Blimey!
  • The letter H.
  • Bootblacks, Chimney Sweeps, Gov'nas. Wait, no, you're the opposite of banned.
  • People who haven't memorized Shakespeare's First Folio. You will be asked to recite it from memory at Passport Control. Even if you're on a connecting flight.
  • Anyone who can't say their weight in stones.
  • People who spell "theater" like that instead of "theatre" and just in general don't switch their -er to -re. Show some class, geez.
  • The French! The British hate the French!
  • People who only operate under old-timey British stereotypes.
  • Susan Boyle

JUST KIDDING! I meant:

  • Susan Boyle nay sayers, don't you even effing try to enter England. The British will end you in a fiery bloodbath the likes of which the world has never seen.

Everyone else is welcome!!