10/15/2008 01:16 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

What to Look for in Tonight's Debate

Is McCain still old?

Is Obama still black?

Did Obama look at me personally, or was he looking at the camera?

Did McCain's left ear just fall off?

Did Obama just make a secret terrorist hand gesture that would signal his terrorist friends to hop in the Obama Time Machine to travel back to 1969 to attempt to set off a bomb?

Did McCain wink long and slow and then put his entire fist in his mouth instead of answering a question?

Did Sarah Palin rush onstage and yell at Obama, "You'll lose in Iraq, Barack" and then high five McCain and rush off?

Did Joe Biden tell his wife to show more cleav because she's secretly the hottest of the spouses?

Did Michelle Obama break one of Cindy McCain's bird-bones by shaking her hand too awesomely because she's so awesome?

Barack did look at me, right? Because when I smiled at him on the TV he smiled at the camera.