Huffpost College
THE BLOG

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Sarina Tomel Headshot

Showing Up as Your Authentic Self in Relationships

Posted: Updated:

Here's another confession, so brace yourself for what I'm about to share. I recognize that I can be really intense and have this honest straight-forward-tell-it-like-it-is personality. Let me share a funny dating story to help you get a better sense.

A few years ago during the summer time, I decided to give online dating, Jdate, a try, after being out there single and dating for almost a year. I was 30 years old and had previously ended a seven year relationship with a guy who insisted on us planning our wedding, but he couldn't take the step to actually propose with a ring he supposedly had -- yes, he definitely had commitment issues.

After exchanging a few emails, I had a phone conversation with this 28-year-old guy from White Plains, NY, I met from Jdate. During our conversation I proceeded to tell him about my life plans. I can't even remember his name, but this Jdate guy seemed to have many traits I was seeking in someone at least based on his profile and photos. Nice smile, attractive, compassionate, family-oriented, sense of humor, ambitious, on a successful career path, had good values and apparently he was seeking a relationship that would lead to marriage and children.

So I got ahead of myself with my no-nonsense approach, and somewhere in the first conversation I told him that I plan to continue to live in my condo for at least a few more years. Jdate guy responded immediately, "How about we go out on a first date before we decide to move in together. Let me give you a call in a few days and we'll figure something out."

Right then and there, I knew I messed up and this Jdate guy wasn't calling me back. Amanda, my sister, overheard the conversation, and turned to me and said, "Seriously, Sarina that was a little intense." My approach was all wrong at least in that conversation. From this, I learned that when it comes down to it and finding true love -- you'll figure it out in the right time.

I've learned that it's not about how the guy needs to fit into my plans, but rather how we can create a future together. I've managed to tone down my approach a little bit.

Where am I going with all of this? I know for a fact that strong personality type women get into committed relationships and find their true love. Actually, having a strong personality can be considered a positive trait. I have a few friends who are even more intense and demanding than me that are happily married or in a committed relationship.

Therefore, I don't believe my strong personality is the reason why I'm still single. Certainly, it takes a particular type of man -- one that is confident, takes charge, and knows how to respond to me when I'm having an intense moment -- in a witty and respectful way, of course!

And perhaps the timing is just off somewhere. So in the mean time, I'm going to focus on my intention/energy on "Patience & Acceptance" from my Hot Yoga Flow practice. Patience for everything I desire that is coming into my life and acceptance in terms of being grateful for what I have right now. I have faith that I am on the right path in my life and to my true love.

All things considered, it's about Showing up as Your Authentic Self, being confident in what you bring to a relationship, compromising to a certain extent (maybe being a little less intense) but never sacrificing your True Self and becoming someone you are not as an individual.

Would love to hear how you Show up as Your Authentic Self in Relationships! And if you're still struggling with Showing up as Your Authentic Self, then tell us how. Acknowledge it, feel it, release it!

So be sure to share your thoughts below in the comments and/or on the C&R Self blog! If this article resonated with you, then like it, share it, and/or comment below.

Originally posted May 2012 on Courageous & Remarkable Self blog

Join the C&R Self Movement.

For more by Sarina Tomel, click here.

Sarina is currently working on her first book, Courageous & Remarkable Self, A Practice for Stepping into Your Greatness!