Scott Bateman

Ha ha, Mitt sure pulled some wacky pranks back in high school! Or, as we would call them today, hate crimes. Whatever! Here's actual audio of Mitt reminiscing, animated and annotated:

You guys, you can relax -- there's no GOP war against women! John Boehner says so in this clip I've animated and annotated:

Uh oh, Rick Santorum's trying to horn in on Newt Gingrich's history professor action. And he's off to a good start -- he approaches Newt's accuracy level of zero in this actual audio clip, which I've animated and annotated:

Rick Santorum has some surprising ideas about why women shouldn't serve in combat, if this actual bit of word salad is any indication. Actual audio, animated and annotated:

Sarah Palin has taken it upon herself to defend Newt Gingrich from all the mean people who attack him by bringing up his record. Here's actual audio of her on Fox News, animated and annotated:

Rick Santorum's a compassionate conservative -- unless you've got a pre-existing condition when it comes to health care. Then your insurance costs should go through the damn roof. Here's actual audio of Mr. Santorum's comments, animated and annotated:

Now that Mitt's won the Iowa Caucuses by a whopping eight votes, he can focus more on the important stuff, like cutting the crap out of PBS. That'll certainly balance the budget!

Here's actual audio of Mr. Romney's remarks, animated and annotated:

Remember back when Newt Gingrich was surging in the polls? Man, what a time. He did it by staying somewhat positive (for Newt, anyway), and releasing feel-good ads like this one, which is animated and annotated below:

Michele Bachmann has a great idea for fixing our economy -- become more like China! Here's actual audio of Rep. Bachmann (R-Duh), animated and annotated:

Last week, Rick Perry was desperate enough to launch his own version of Herman Cain's tax plan (because apparently 20 is more than twice as good as 9), and by week's end he was still trying to explain just how awesome his plan is. Though he sounds somewhat drunky here,...

So the president had a pretty good week last week, what with ending the war in Iraq and Muammar Gaddafi being all dead and stuff. Here's actual audio of Obama's weekend address to the nation, with animation and annotation:

Former pizza magnate Herman Cain is surging in the polls with his blunt talk and 999 plan (which I think comes with a free 2-liter bottle of Pepsi). As you might imagine, Cain had an interesting take on the Occupy Wall Street protests on Sunday's Face The Nation. Here's actual...

So, Chris Christie has been saying over and over again that he won't run for president. But what does he really mean? I've animated and annotated Christie's appearance at the Reagan Library last week, when he had a chance to shut down all this speculation:

At last week's GOP debate, audience members booed a US soldier asking if the candidates would reinstate Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Sadly, that soldier didn't fare much better when Rick Santorum took a stab at answering the question. Here's actual audio, with animation and annotations:

James Carville had some adfvice for the president last week: panic! Because nothing is more presidential than freaking out and having a massive panic attack. Good call, James Carville.

A subset of Carville's "panic!" advice was, "fire somebody." Here's actual audio from The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer explaining his...

At one of the several hundred GOP debates this past week, Rick Perry once again said that Social Security is a Ponzi scheme. Personally, I think his hair is a Ponzi scheme, but that's beside the point. Here's actual audio of Rick Ponzi, er, Perry, talking about Social Security:

Dick Cheney's been on a media blitz to publicize his new book, "Bwahahahahaha!" or whatever it's called. Last week, he was on the Today Show with Matt Lauer. Here's actual audio from that video, with notations and animation:

Apparently, it wasn't some weird-ass gaffe when Mitt Romney said corporations are people a few weeks ago in Iowa. He said it again last week in New Hampshire, and this time, he went into great detail. If only he had this much passion about, you know,...

Yes, Texas governor Rick "The Refrigerator" Perry has joined the race to see who can pander to the Tea Party the most. I've animated some of the actual audio from his announcement in South Carolina on Saturday, in case you were busy watching the Iowa Straw Poll results or waiting...

Apparently, Michele Bachmann is proud of her vote to bring down the entire world's damn economy, and thinks it's a nifty reason to vote for her in this weekend's straw poll in Ames, Iowa. Sure.

Here's actual audio from the ad: