Look, I'm a hollerin', incipiently double-chinned white guy from the Carolinas. I come from a long line of hollerin', incipiently double-chinned white guys from the Carolinas. And I'm proud of my heritage. We, the wattle-shakers and troublemakers -- the grouchy-cracker vanguard -- we've been hollerin' stupid stuff for centuries. And...

Remember Kid Nation? When it premiered, we couldn't decide what horrified us more: the idea of children abandoned in the desert to fend for themselves, or the fact that those children seemed to have imbibed, with mother's milk, the conventions of reality television--each and every one displayed an instinctive grasp...

The best part about being in my thirties is not being in my twenties. This means I get to rail against "young people," who are, as we all know, awful: shaggy-maned, smooth-featured puds who are still allowed to experiment with their sexuality and wear clothes that look grave-robbed from Flip...