05/13/2010 02:26 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Arizona Uses Race Card to Trump Race Card

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer, in a never-ending quest to make the citizens of Arizona as white as her bleach-blonde dyed hair, has signed yet another controversial bill into law. Earlier this month Governor Brewer inked a law that gave Arizona police officers sweeping powers in dealing with the illegal immigration problem plaguing the state. The law made carrying documentation proving citizenship a requirement, and the breaking of this requirement a crime. As Saturday Night Live joked recently, it would be the first time since Nazi Germany where law enforcement agents could legally demand individuals of a certain race "show their papers." Secondly, it would allow police officers the right to "detain anyone suspected of living in the country illegally."

I found it ironic Senator John McCain supported this bill, but he should be given a lot of credit. McCain isn't the only self-hating Hispanic that I know. A dear friend of mine from Los Angeles is of Mexican ancestry and routinely slams his own ethnicity. I can remember having breakfast with him one morning when news broke on television that a car chase had begun in Los Angeles, to which my Mexican friend responded, "The car was probably stolen by a Mexican," as he calmly ate his breakfast burrito. McCain may despise his own race but at least he backs up his own hateful rhetoric. You see, John McCain was born in Panama, and by supporting this bill he's exposing himself to potential harassment by Arizona law enforcement for his Hispanic heritage. Let's hope he can remember his papers better than he can remember how many houses he owns.

How could Governor Brewer possibly top a law that could deport her own Senator in John "el torro" McCain? I've seen some major acts in my day, but nobody is that good. However, it appears I've underestimated the Republican governor. Jan Brewer signed yet another bill into law that targets ethic studies. Tucson, Arizona, is a city with a large Hispanic population and has been offering a Mexican-American studies program at several of its high schools. This program, according to Yahoo! News, teaches "an American history course [that] explores the role of Hispanics in the Vietnam War, and a literature course [that] emphasizes Latino authors." This, of course, is totally unacceptable to Republicans within Arizona. Tom Horne, Arizona's State schools chief and a Republican who is also running for Arizona's attorney general, said the program encourages "ethnic chauvinism." That's right -- take that Mexican-Americans! How dare you learn about your involvement in Vietnam (which didn't go well, and we totally blame you for that) and learn about Latino authors when we all know Hispanics can't read or write. It's just mean to give Hispanics in Tucson false hope, which is exactly why the Arizona legislature, led by Brewer, has attempted to ban the program.

The newly signed bill "prohibits classes that advocate ethnic solidarity, that are designed primarily for students of a particular race or that promote resentment toward a certain ethnic group." Who cares that six UN human rights experts have denounced the bill, stating "all people have the right to learn about their own cultural and linguistic heritage"? The message from Governor Brewer and Arizona Republicans is clear: stop creating programs that are designed to teach Hispanics about their heritage and go back to teaching how history truly happened, written by the victors of history. If the victors just happen to be white, so what? Those Hispanics in Tucson need to learn how history actually played out, and read that very history off the crisp, white pages of our history books. We only use black ink on those white history pages because the technology to make white ink appear on white paper isn't quite feasible yet, though we have our best scientists in white lab coats working on it.

Sure, the bill may be tough but Hispanics should stop whining. Arizona may be getting legislatively physical but it's not like Hispanics are without hope. How should they handle the newly controversial bills? They should take a page out of Hispanic hero and former steroid slugger Sammy Sosa's book. How has Sosa handled the adversity? He's been using a face cream that makes him white, the same face cream that has made John McCain appear white and of Irish-American ancestry for decades:


Scott Janssen es un estudiante graduado, blogger, y todos alrededor de drenaje en la sociedad.

Subscribe to the Entertainment email.
Home to your favorite fan theories and the best movie recs.