Sean Harris, pastor of Berean Baptist Church in Fayetteville, N.C., has now "apologized" for a delivering a sermon in which he told parents to "punch" their "limp-wristed" sons and force their "butch" daughters to "dress up" and "smell nice" from time to time. However, he claims that his words were meant "in jest."
That is outrageous, as even the most open-minded and generous viewing of his sermon will quickly reveal. (Click on the link above and see for yourself.)
Having seen the remarkable documentary "Bully" just last night, I couldn't sit back and swallow his calling this "a joke." I sent him the following email this afternoon.
Dear Pastor Harris,
I hope this finds you well. I wanted to thank you for the apology you issued with regard to your sermon advocating parents getting strong with kids who don't conform to your idea of appropriate gender roles. I take you at your word that you did not mean to insult members of the GLBT community or to advocate violence toward children.
However, what I do not accept is that you meant what you said "in jest." I've seen the video of your talk. I've watched your comments in context. There was nothing the slightest bit funny in what you said. What, precisely, is the meaning of your "joke"? Where is the humor in telling a father to "punch" his "limp-wristed" son or a mother to force her too-"butch" daughter to be "attractive" and "smell nice"? Explain to me the hilarity of telling parents that any non-gender conforming behavior they observe in their children should be "squashed like a cockroach." What could possibly be funny about any of this? Especially since violence against "feminine boys" and "masculine girls" is a real problem in too many real homes in this country. What, pray, is funny -- or even potentially funny -- about reprimanding a child in the horrible and demeaning ways you recommended?
No, this wasn't a joke. You meant what you said. The only thing you are sorry about is that you got caught saying it. Trying to weasel out of it by saying humor was the intent is the worst form of lying and hypocrisy. As a man of God, you know that lying and hypocrisy are serious matters. I assume that as a Baptist you take personal testimony seriously. As such, you should know that this lying and hypocrisy call the power of your witness to the Lord into serious question. By trying to get us to believe that what you said was "a joke," you, sir, have undermined the truthfulness of your word. Allow me to remind you that the Ten Commandments are silent on the "proper" gender expression of children but they have something unambiguous to say about the crime of lying.
You said "limp-wristed" boys need to "man up." I know lots of sissy-acting guys. But guess what: they all show more "manliness" in their actions than calling the horrible things you said "a joke" demonstrates about yours. The sissies I know are kind and strong. They don't demonize other people. They defend the weak. They rise up for justice. They tell the truth. And they stand by their words. Man up? I suggest you take the plank out of your own eye and "man up" by admitting what you said was no joke at all. You may be sorry for hurting people. But you should be honest, stand by your words, and admit that what you said, as the video of your "sermon" so clearly demonstrates, was no joke.
If you really want to apologize, sir, invite gay and lesbian people -- particularly gay and lesbian Christian people -- to sit down with you and tell you how your words struck our ears. Listen to what we could tell you about parents who abuse us in the ways you advocated. About friends who've been thrown out of their houses by parents who have done as you suggested. About other friends we used to have but who have killed themselves by suicide or the slow death of drug or alcohol abuse because of the self-loathing caused in them by parents acting in the ways you suggested. About our GLBT peers who think Christianity is a load of bull and can no longer think of Jesus as anything other than a hate-monger because so many of his supposed followers condemn them in his name. All of this is inhuman, inhumane, and a scandal to Christianity. This is the stuff that should be "squashed like a cockroach."
It is no apology at all when the apology is not meant. The lie of calling your disgusting words "a joke" shows you aren't really sorry. If you are, then apologize by your actions. Not by your hollow, hypocritical attempt to justify the unjustifiable.
Man up, indeed.
Regards,
Scott MacDougall
I'll comment on this post with his response. If he's "man" enough to send one.
The congregation is just as guilty. No one had the balls to call the Pastor out, or walk out or anything.
he meant it as a joke anyway. It is people like him who
make Christians look bad. He obviously doesn't understand
the meaning of Christianity,Christlike behavior, or living the
life of Jesus Christs example. This preacher needs a lot
of prayers.
BTW, did you hear the one about the guy being questioned by the inquisitor? Seeking to avoid torture, he says, "I'll tell you anything and everything you want to hear".
"Yes, you will", the Inquisitor replies.
So once again thank you Mr. MacDougall. Maybe others will have the strength to do the same in their own communities.
A friend of my daughter (when they were in high school) often stayed at our house when his step-father got drunk and hit him for being such a "sissy". When the doorbell rang and 2 am, we'd pull out the couch bed in the family room and give him a hug and put him to bed.
This very intelligent young man just got his nursing degree at age 30 instead of going to college from high school. He could have earned scholarships, he was so smart. But he was a defeated and beaten down young man and it took all our encouragement and support to get him to finish high school. Then he left for a big city and had some wild years because there was nothing for him at home.
I applaud him for getting it together and going to school nights to earn his nursing degree. I am so very glad he did not become another suicide statistic. And I am glad that he met someone who helped him to settle down and know that he is loved and lovable.
Your letter to this man is perfect. I only hope he reads it.
This seems to be more of a case of hitting to close to home syndrome. It is not that they guy is generally offended. He is specifically offended by the content. It would be funny in other situations, but not this one, maaaaaaaan! They went too far.
This MacDougall is a person who is not funny and lacks a sense of humor.
The problem with certain persons--you would be included in this group--is that they attempt to take on a role of authority when it come to comedy and humor. "Oh noes! Mr. Tracy Morgan made a joke about killing someone for liking to s d. That is not funny. It cannot be funny ever." Huh? When were you appointed to the supreme decider of the funny? How can you make an objective statement about a subjective issue?
I understand that you may not like humor that offends you, but that does not mean that it is not funny or cannot be funny.
"I have yet to hear anyone explain what is funny..." blahity-blah-blah. Humor never needs an explanation or justification. It is what it is. Do you seek the same justification for art, architecture, or other creative pursuits? No. Why just humor?
The point I made is that Mr. MacDougall is a humorless person. He posits that certain situations and topics cannot be humorous. He is wrong. Not just because he is not the determiner of funny, but because he fails to understand that humor does not need to justify itself.
The best thing about unfunny people like Mr. MacDougall is that they are unable to admit that they are not funny people. "I love humor." No, he does not. He likes specific humor that is not offensive to him. It can offend others, but as long as he is not offended, then everything is golden.
I would imagine that he was selected as senior pastor because his views and attitude most closely match the views and attitudes of the deacon board. As long as they keep "ear ticklers" in the pulpit, this pastor takes the risk of being given his walking papers if he should apologize for what he said that was wrong.
He has to reach that decision point first. Does he have the courage? Only time will tell.
Sounds like he can dish it out but can't take it. Man up, Harris,
I would be a bit surprised if he reads it though, and even more surprised to learn there was thoughtful reflection after reading.
But that's not really the point, I suppose. The truth was spoken. And he owns his response, or non-response to it. Perhaps his curious nature will be stronger than any defensiveness he may have.
Well done, and thanks.
Sean Harris is not a man who will change. A person that homophobic will not become something else, but you should have some satisfaction in knowing you tried.
I understand that quite a number of people like to focus on the positive roles christianity can provide. I also find that to be inherently dishonest about the bible, and its application, both past and present.
Violence should not be tolerated, especially towards children. Nobody should make light of it. Attempting to justify it, or in this case, mandate its application, especially through religion is several kinds of illegal. If somebody got arrested for abuse, and used as their defense, that "my preacher told me to" how far do you think he'd get?
Then again, the church has not shown a strong interest in keeping children safe. Ask the thousands of child rape victims.
*( charitable donations that include church giving are not evidence except as those are used for specific charitable purpose -- not church building, salaries and recruitment expenses)
Thank you for sharing it. Please do share any response he makes.